Wasteland
by Flynt Coal
Summary: Hinata wakes up in an empty world, alone, and attempts to understand the strange reality he finds himself in by use of writing in a journal. Based on a reoccurring dream I often have. (Maybe some KomaHina (friendship most likely) later on? Not sure which direction this will be going...) Rated T for swearing.
1. Days 1-4

Day 1-

So, uh, I guess I'm meant to write in this thing. I'm not too sure what's going on… in fact, I don't think I can really remember anything, now that I think about it.

I suppose if I'm gonna use this as a journal, I should explain my situation. Maybe if I learn more I can use this for reference?

In any case, I'm... Hinata, I guess.

This is as much as I know right now, admittedly... I just woke up against this stone hard ground. And… it goes on for miles. I can look in any direction and can't seem to see anything. Nothing but cold rock earth as far as the eye can see. It's pretty sturdy, and I can't seem to break it or anything. There are chips and cracks in it here and there, but no loose pebbles. It's pretty empty. There's no wind, but the air is pretty cold. And well... that's it.

That's all I know. It kind of makes me depressed to think that I know so little. No matter what I do, it feels like I have a weight of slight pessimism holding me down, pulling at my core. Maybe I was like this before I came here, I'm not too sure. In fact, if I think about it too long, it feels as though I can't be sure of anything. So I've just decided not to think, or it just brings me down again.

I'd say I've been awake for a good hour, but there's no telling. Although it looks like I'm outside, the sky is coated in a dull grey, and I can't see the sun. It's not getting any lighter or darker.

Ever since I got up, I've been sore all over, but I've tried walking. I decided on a direction and set out that way, plain and simple. I'd have hoped to find anything, at all. But it looks like the scenery hasn't changed.

But I did find a book. It was just sitting there. I don't know why. I don't know anything that's happening, but I never expected a book to just be sitting there against the stone. I was hoping maybe it would give me some answers, of why I'm in this empty, dull void land. But… the book had no writing in it. Well, some sort of pencil was in it though. It looks more like a lump of pencil lead jammed into an ashy grey stick. It doesn't leave a mark on the rocky surface, but it does in the book.

It may seem like a dumb choice, but… I then decided to use the book as a journal. I have nothing else to do, but… uh, keep walking, I guess. But to just keep walking, without knowing what I'll find, or if I'll even end up find anything? What if I just keep walking for all eternity, or wind up losing track of where I came from and go in circles? Would I even know? What if I already have been?

This is what I mean by thinking too much. I have to remember not to think. Don't think. Just walk.

Don't think. Just walk.

...

I don't even know how to keep track of time, but I'm guessing it's been three hours. Just hiking for that long is exhausting enough. With nothing to look at, I accidentally start thinking again now and then. I really need something else to focus on.

I've been taking a bit of a rest. I think I may try to fall asleep. I feel extremely tired. Was it just from the walking? Or…?

Day 2-

I didn't mean to fall asleep, but I guess I did. I don't feel any less tired. Maybe I didn't sleep for long? Again, I don't know how to keep track of the time. I don't actually know if it's been a day or not. I do know I'm getting tired of writing the words "I don't know"... but there isn't much I do know.

There was a little dampness near my face when I woke up. I think I drooled a little…? That's embarrassing. I think I should just keep walking for a bit. I don't want to walk. My legs are sore. But I will. I've got nothing else to do...

Day 3-

I spent the whole day walking yesterday. Nothing has changed. Nothing at all. I'm starting to lose any hope of getting out of here. I think of it more as a prison than anything. What's the difference? I'm trapped. I'm hurt. I'm desperate already.

I want my old life back.

...

Overnight I drooled again. Weird.

I took a stop and I think I'm using writing as an excuse not to walk any more but I just want a break more than anything.

I've an issue with the situation as well. Although I keep feeling weaker and weaker as the hours fly by... I'm not getting hungrier. At all. If I've gotten full sleeps it should have been three days. Wouldn't I start starving? I'm not even thirsty.

Don't get me wrong, I would love to eat. To have a different taste in my mouth than the dull dryness. In fact, all my senses could use something new. I wish I could see something besides grey. I wish I could hear something other than footsteps or my own voice. I wish I could feel anything besides the cold solid earth. I wish I could smell something… else?

Now that I think about it, I think I smell something different. Nothing pleasant, but like… burning, I think. Ashy air. That's new.

If I survive till tomorrow, I think I may find out.

Day 4-

I survived. Unfortunately.

Still not hungry.

Still not thirsty.

Still hurts.

Still grey.

Still rock.

Still walking.

Don't think. Just walk.


	2. Days 5-9

Day 5-

Everything hurts. I just want to collapse. Four days of walking is a lot. I have blisters on my feet. Drooled again. Does this mean something?

I have no motivation to walk today. I've allowed myself a day to just sit and rest.

This is horrible. Why do I deserve this? My resolve broke so quickly, but what was I to do?

I talk to myself now too. Out loud. I need to listen to a voice, don't blame me. The silence is maddening. I need to see another person. It's all I could want.

Day 7-

I said I'd give myself one day, but I ended up with two. I couldn't even move all of day 6. I just sat there, blinking. I learned something, though. I'm not drooling. It's actually tear stains.

I walk again today. Don't think. Just walk.

Day 8-

I think I'm starting to lose it. Because I found something new. I found grass.

Green, light green, living, fresh, grass.

I can feel it. I can see it. I can even taste it, what an impressive delusion.

It's it patches here and there, as I walk forward. Scattered amongst the stone ground. I was hoping there would be fresh dirt beneath it but there wasn't. It's just growing there, out of the stone somehow.

The grass gives me hope. I'm going the right way. I'm finding something new.

Day 9-

More tear stains. Every day.

Feels a lot better to sleep on grass than solid rock. It seems the farther I go forward, the more grass there is. Now I'm even in a meadow. There's no more bare stone. The fresh green makes me feel a lot better.

In spite of my blisters, I have a new resolve. I shall walk for the whole day.


	3. Days 10-14

Day 10-

I've spent an hour about poking at the blisters, popping them. The amount of blood that come from them makes me feel sick. They're pretty big blisters, but I've had similar before, and I don't recall as much blood coming from them. It freaks me out a little.

I've also reread the journal so far. Wow, I was truly desperate, wasn't I? Well, I was there, I guess I was desperate. I can't believe it's been ten days. In some ways it felt like I came here just yesterday, and it feels like I've been here for months.

In other ways, it feels like I've been here my whole life.

...

It's weird to think the grass is getting taller as I walk on. It's more like wheat than grass now, as it goes up to my knees. It hasn't gotten taller for a bit, so I think this is as much as it goes. I've been trying to make a definite path by stepping on the grass, so I know where I came from, but it doesn't work. It stands up again as if it never has been touched. It's weird.

It still bothers me that the sky doesn't darken, or brighten. It's always the same ugly shade of grey. Maybe I've only been here a day? No, impossible. It must have been longer. It's been ten days, I know at least one has really passed. Or do I?

It would explain why I'm not getting hungry, though. Dammit, I'm thinking again. Don't think. Just walk. I keep writing that in a pointless struggle to convince myself that it's what I must do. But it is. I must do so.

Don't think. Just walk.

Day 11-

You'd think from the tearstains every time I sleep that I would get dehydrated after a while.

So, I've pushed myself a lot less. I only walk a little every day. I rest a lot. Doesn't make me less tired, but keeps me sane. At least, as much as I can try to be.

I've tested out more with the book and pencil. Just a normal book. Pretty light. brown blank cover. fading blank pages. Not very exciting.

The pencil is odd. I'm surprised I didn't break it and knock out the lead. I can't seem to remove it from the stick-like part. Speaking of which, it's like a silvery twig. Not very long. Like a piece of driftwood. It's smooth and calms me down to feel it. That's probably why writing in the journal makes me relax.

I'm not too sure what to expect as I carry on.

Day 14-

So I've gone several days without writing. I'm pretty sure it was three. Nothing new, that's why. The grass is slightly thicker, harder to see through. Bit past my knees now. I don't know why I'm writing. I'm bored. I'm bored of everything. I'm bored of life.


	4. Days 15-19

Day 16-

I found a person.

There's someone here.

I did it.

Fin al l y

...

The person is asleep, curled up in the grass. I can't seem to wake him up. I checked for a heartbeat, and for breathing. They are alive, at least. They may be asleep. They may be in a coma. Who knows?

But if I spent so long walking without a guarantee of what I'll find, I'll stay with them with no guarantee that they'll wake up. I've only gotten weaker so I doubt I could carry someone anymore.

Day 17-

They haven't woken up. I've tried everything I could think of.

The person's so limp and slender. He look thin, pale and weak, but unlike me, he seemed to be like that naturally. I'm only weakened as a result of being here. I'm scared of what'll happen to him while he's here. He'll just wither away in no time.

Day 18-

Still not awake. Getting bored.

Could've sworn I felt a short breeze for a second. I've never felt any sort of wind here until now.

Day 19-

I woke up in to the sound of crying. This guy's crying in his sleep. I thought it was a little odd but then again, I do the same, don't I?

...

I've been picking grass and gathering it around him, in some form of a nest or something. I dunno, I'm bored, okay? There's not much here for entertainment. He has the strangest white hair. It just looks like wisps, the final trails of smoke from dying, withering cinders. I kinda feel like I want to touch it, but that'd be weird.

It does make me happy that I have something new to look at though. Despite being asleep, I feel so less alone with him here. I wonder what kind of person he is.


	5. Days 20-23

Day 20-

He woke up.

I guess I should sum up what's happened since.

He doesn't remember much, and says it hurts to talk. It sounds a lot like my situation. I told him what I know so far, and strangely enough he seems to trust me so quickly. I would've thought I'd be the person putting him in this situation, but some are more free with their trust, it seems.

His name is Komaeda Nagito. He seems like an even better person awake.

I can't say how much it means for me to have him here, even if I had just met him. I never knew how much I could miss having another human being around. Even if he just woke up he seems to appreciate my company too.

He doesn't talk much, since he claims it hurts to do so, which is unfortunate, because I want to ask everything. Ask everything to someone who I know knows nothing. It made me feel even more hopeless by thinking about the sad reality of that, so instead, I guess I decided to do the talking.

I told him of my walking, finding the journal, finding the grass, and all that. He was very attentive. I… even let him read what I had before this entry. It was a little embarrassing, but it probably gave him the rough idea of what was happening. What other use do I have for this thing anyways? I feel like I don't write it as a review anymore, but just something to keep me chained to sanity. Even now I can't tell if it's still a chain, or just a thin thread…

We spent the rest of the day walking in silence.

Day 21-

His throat is feeling better apparently. He can talk again. He still sounds raspy though. Is that normal for him?

We compared situations regarding not our surroundings, but ourselves. I feel physically exhausted more than anything else. Too much walking. He claims to be more emotionally exhausted. He was a little sheepish about it though. I guess that's not something you'd be comfortable talking to someone else about, especially if you just met.

He did describe it though. How was it again? I think he said "like the feeling of spending so long crying alone that you lose track of if it's been hours, days or weeks". I… don't really know how that feels. So I just nodded, and let him alone with his thoughts. He looked like he needed time to think. But... I felt something tugging at my memory when he said it.

Thinking about it never seems to help much for me. Don't think, just walk.

Day 22-

I noticed I don't cry in my sleep anymore. But Komaeda still does. A lot. It makes me think he's gonna dehydrate himself.

He started crying while walking too. I asked what was wrong but he didn't know what it was.

Day 23-

He tries to make small talk, fairly often. He doesn't really have anything to talk about, since he knows less than I do. But he still tries. I don't think it's about stopping the awkward silences anymore. I think he just wants to talk to me. He seems to jump at any moment I say anything. Odd.


	6. Days 23-34

Day 24-

"Hinata-kun, may I ask something?"

"Why are we walking? Why did you choose to walk? You've been walking for around 25 days now right? That's almost a solid month… why are we still walking?"

My legs hurt. My feet hurt. My head hurts. My shoulders hurt. My whole body hurts.

I don't know how to answer that. I don't know why I am still walking.

I told him he thought too much. If I thought, I would give up and stop walking. I told him. Don't think. Just walk.

Day 25-

Don't think. Just walk.

Day 26-

Don't think. Just walk.

Day 30-

Do n' t thi nk justwalkdontthinkjustwal

k

Day 32-

I don't remember day 31. But apparently it happened. Komaeda said I started crying and screaming. Whenever he approached me I would run away. I don't remember anything like that. I still apologized. I would never want to do that to him. I think I regained my sanity for now. I let it slip the last few days, and now I have to keep a careful watch.

Day 33-

Why are we here? Why is this happening?

Day 34-

The grass is lowering again. I fear I may be re-approaching the rocky landscape. Did I go in circles after all? Komaeda reassured me that we should keep walking. He reminded me not to think. Just walk.

What would I do without him?


	7. Days 35-40

Day 35-

Holy shit Komaeeda is gone oh my gd oh my god

I'm still freakingout a little but I ttink i've calmed dwn enough too say what hapened

Alrrug

Alrihht

Alright

Alright.

We were just walking alone quietly enougth aand I didn't see it he didn't see it it just happened in a split second I should have seen it why did I not seeitwhydidInot

okay I recovered a bit more

Don't know why I got so upset, but let me explain rationally

so we were just walking, he was a bit behind me, when I heard a loud splash and screaming

There was just a hole in the ground. A big one. Full of water.

He took a step and fell in. That's it. He was gone. That easy. What kind of a disappearance is that? How ridiculous is that? A hole? Out of nowhere, a fucking *hole*?

I don't know how deep it is. I can swim pretty well so I dove in and kept trying to go deeper but I never found a bottom, and I never found him.

He was gone. That easily.

No drama, no screaming or life-changing, do-or-die moment. No trying to save a friend and failing moment like in the movies.

Just… just gone.

Way back before I suddenly found him for no reason. And just as suddenly, now he was gone.

Give me something I can anchor my last few grains of hope to, then rip it away from me, with that hope along with it. I don't know what to do anymore.

Should I keep going? Should I stay here at this pit of water?

I don't… I don't like being near it.

I think we should keep going still, Hinata-kun. I trust your judgement to walk on. Remember what you said to me, don't think, just walk, right?

That's what he said to me yesterday, by the way. I… I think I'll take his advice.

Day 36-

Real lonely waking up without anyone around. He would always wake up before me.

I started crying in my sleep again. Weird.

I feel bad because it was only yesterday, but I'm starting to get used to being alone again. It's not like I don't miss him. I don't feel as if he died though, in fact, I never considered if that happened. I think he's just… gone. Whether I will end up seeing him again or not is not within my knowledge, of course.

But... I dunno. Again, though, I feel as if I'm used to being on my lonesome already. To be fair he was only there for… lemme count now… day 16 to day 35? Uhhh… 19 days? Damn, that's actually a lot. It didn't seem like much since he was also so quiet too.

Day 37-

I'm starting to think that maybe I should have stayed at the pit of water. I don't know why, especially when I remember that I felt uncomfortable nearby it…

not that it matters, it's way too far back. I'd never be able to find it now. Besides, I would just lose track of my current path and go in circles.

Well, for all I know, I may have been going in circles the entire time, hell knows. The grass getting shorter and shorter as I walk on, even sometimes lacking in patches altogether, does nothing to stop me from thinking that.

But I know better than that. After 37 days of this shit, more than a solid month, I'm starting to realized one thing is more true that anything else. One rule. Don't think.

Just walk.

Day 38-

I think I've been lying a bit about my walking distances recently. I've barely traveled an hour's worth each day. The blisters on my feet are getting a little too out of hand for this. Yep, they're back. I don't really feel so inclined to pop them this time though. The blood was just too much for me.

Day 39-

Popped them anyways. Lotta blood, maybe even more than last time. Is this abnormal? I felt lightheaded afterwards so I've been writing, but I think I'm gonna call it quits already. Going to bed.

Day 40-

It may be a new day or it may not be. I don't even know anymore. Days depend on my schedule now, not the sun's. Man, I would do anything to see the sun again…

Er, anyways. I decided every time I fall asleep and wake up it's a new day. Maybe I've already said that. Who knows, nowadays.

Still bleeding, so I must've not been asleep for long. I'm planning on walking a bit tomorrow.


	8. Days 40-43

Day 41-

Alright. Get this.

So all the grass sorta faded out. No more grass. Rock again. Great. But see, I found a pit. Okay, not like the pit of water, that was a round pit, like, I dunno, a meter diameter. Bit bigger. I forget.

I found a fucking crevice. A canyon almost!

It's just a gap in the ground. I can't see how far it goes down, it just fades to fog. The edges are as smooth as the stone I've been walking on. Nothing to hold onto as you go down. Not that I am going down, though. It'll probably kill me.

I almost considered grabbing the tall grass and making a makeshift rope. What is this, an adventure game? One, there's no way I could make a rope that could support me, or that I could trust to support me, and two, there's nothing to hook it to. Remember, completely smooth and flat. Also, I couldn't make rope that long. Damn.

I… I guess I'm switching my route up a bit. walking alongside the crevice until I find a way around.

Day 42-

Is it just me or do the days fly by really fast now?

No updates on the ravine thing. Still there.

Day 43-

I see something laying on the other side! It looks like a person but I shouldn't get my hopes up. Even now when I look at it however, I could almost make out the look of it. It… almost seems familiar.

Is… that…?

No, nevermind. The train of thought drove off the cliff, hit the other side, burst into flame and killed the passengers. 43 fatalities. No survivors.

...the hell is wrong with me?

...

So I'm bored.

I've been trying to make out the thing across the cliff. The cliff's a good 5, 6, maybe 7 meters wide, I'd say. The other side is a little higher up than this side.

Wait.. I think the thing is…

holy sh it is that

...Komaeda?

hold on I need to know now

...

So it's been a few hours. Didn't honestly learn much.

The thing over there seems definitely like a person. It's whitish green so I dunno, it did look like him. I'm probably deluding myself. I'm not sure anymore. It hasn't moved anyways, so that doesn't tell me much.

Say if it was him? How would I wake him up? And then, how could he get over here, or me over there?

I'm not really too sure what to think. But I'll cross that bridge when I get there, for now, I'm gonna focus on matter one. Waking him up. Even though he shows no signs of awakening any time soon. And he's all the way over there, pretty far away from me. This being built on the assumption that it's even him in the first place. Or a person in the first place. Or even alive… great.

I tried yelling and calling out, but I get the idea that it isn't doing shit. I wish I had something to throw. I couldn't go back to the grassy area. One, grass isn't gonna cut it when I need a projectile-like object. Two, I don't really wanna leave, for fear of both never finding this place again or coming back to find the Komaeda-thing gone. I don't wanna risk it.

Sooo… the only things I have to throw are this book and the pen, and really, with it being my only pastime, I don't really want to do that. Plus I sorta got a little attached to the thing over the course of the past few days. Call me crazy but... it's the only thing I have to "talk" to.

I'm sure I'll find something. Tomorrow. I'm exhausted.


	9. Days 44-47

Either it moved, or I'm really losing it now. I swear, it flipped around. To my luck, it's even easier to see, and I would bet my book and pencil that it's a person, if not, well, him.

Still seems asleep or unconscious of sorts but definitely moved overnight. If only I was awake to see it... it couldn't have woken up, could it? Did I miss such an important event?

I tried yelling again but it's not doing anything. I don't like raising my voice. It makes echoes, and reminds me of how alone I am here; how empty this land is. A reminder of that is the last thing I need.

My hands are beginning to blister like my feet. I'm not really sure why. I don't exactly walk on my hands. The only thing I've used my hands for is writing, really.

Nothing else especially new. Blah. I don't know if there's much point to watching the person thing. But I still do, it's all I can do...

Day 4 5

oh godohgodoh godd what the fucjkhappened wh y did thid happenwhywhtwhtwgtwhuexjdsghddwhywhywhywgehehtddhy

Its horrible oh god im freakinbgthehelloutsoneknebloodbloodbloodbloddbloodblodflivdkvdicjb makeitstopp p e

Day 46-

oh god, thank god, it's all normal again. It's like day 45 never happened. I really fucking hope it didn't... I never want to see something so horrid again... why would this happen to me...

Alright, alright, I think I can explain without thinking too much about it... okay... so I woke up yesterday noting that I didn't cry in my sleep this time but something smelled rather terrible. So I looked up.

There was blood.

Everywhere.

It went on, covering the entire rock surface, dripping down the ravine, rivers of blood. Unbelievable. There was bones and guts strewn around here and there. It never ended. The blood, it covered me. All over me. All over the land all over everythingalloverthegrassalloverthebookallovermymindallllivermyheaert

...

I went back into a state of panic there. Writing about it gave back flashbacks. Oh man, it was horrible beyond anything you'd ever know. I don't think I could even imagine something as horrid as that by a long shot. But now it's gone. And that's the important part after all… gone, aaaalll gone.

Like really gone. All that blood made me faint from fear, and yet when I woke up from that it was all gone. Same rocky clean surface as before. I never thought I'd be happy to see this much grey again. Granted, it's not the best thing in the world to see, I would prefer say, trees, a city, anything besides this world, but as long as there's no more blood... I think I was hallucinating. I must have been. I really am breaking down, mentally... now don't get me wrong... I'm happy as all hell it was a hallucination, but if it didn't happen at all it would be fantastic. I'm still pretty shaken up just thinking about it... so I think I won't. I know what thinking does to me at this point anyways.

It looks exactly the same as two days ago, like I said, if the blood thing never happened. What I assume is Komaeda hasn't moved. The cliff is still here. But I think I see something off in the distance, that I just noticed now as I'm writing this. Nothing like another object or person, but rather... I dunno. It's like a cut in the ravine. Does the ravine end? Is there a way to cross?

Oh hey, one more thing before I forget...there's more wind, and it's plentiful. It chills me to the bone, but also feels fantastic... just to feel, well, anything...

I don't want to sleep anymore. I don't want to risk seeing the blood again. Never again.

But I'm so tired... everything still hurts like a friggin truck drove over me...

Sometimes I wish a truck would drive over me. That sounds fantastic.

...

I did decide to head to the thing in the distance, and it seems like there's a large rock jammed in the ravine. My first thought was to be excited, as this could be a way across. But the rock is extremely glossy and wet for some reason. There doesn't see to be any source of water, but here it is, covering the rock like a film. It's not even dripping below into the chasm. It's just there. But this makes the rock incredibly slippery. With my level of numbness I don't trust my balance and dexterity to maneuver the rock without slipping into the chasm below.

Just staring into the ravine makes me uncomfortable and sends chills down my spine, not unlike the feeling I had when I stayed near the water pool Komaeda had disappeared into. I don't want to fall down there.

I think I'm going to give myself a rest for a day and hopefully my senses come back to me enough so I can traverse the chasm. I don't even know if I have the strength to climb it. I don't know if I have the strength to really do anything. And yet I'm still able to walk, I don't know why. But if I want to walk, I need to cross this ravine one way or another.

Day 47-

I didn't intend to fall asleep, but I did. I didn't want to out of fear that the blood would come back. I just felt so weak I couldn't fight it. Even if I do nothing I get exhausted. I feel like withering up and dying. And yet I don't. I could easily end it by tossing myself down the neverending chasm. But I don't. I don't know why, but I don't want to. I thought I've become numb to everything emotionally, who knew I could still feel want and unwant. I just do things like walking because I feel obliged to somehow. I don't know anymore. Not that I did to begin with.

I woke up with more tearstains around my face than normal. I also know I had a dream for like the first time. It was about Komaeda. I was pushing him on a swing set. He was smiling and laughing. It made me almost feel happy. He told me to give him a strong push, so I complied. After that he leapt from the swing, still laughing and aimed for the ground. But when he was falling, he stopped laughing and started screaming. He hit the ground, headfirst with a loud, sickeningly hollow crack, and when I went over to him, there was no heartbeat left inside him. He was gone.

I don't remember any more than this. Fuck, is this even important? Is anything I've written important? I'm no closer to escaping this place. I want to think after 47 days I've made progress but the undeniable, cold blunt truth is that in the end, I haven't. I may even be behind from where I started. Who's to fucking know?!

Don't think, Hinata.

Don't think.

Don't.

Think.

Today I try to scale the boulder in the chasm.

...

Alright, thank god. I did manage to get across. I have no energy left to shuffle over the the komaeda-looking thing, so I think I'll just write.

So it probably looked kinda funny if someone were to watch my awkward struggle over the chasm. I leapt at it, which in hindsight wasn't a very good plan. There wasn't any grips from the other side, so naturally I started sliding off the rock. To top it off, landing on the rock on impact knocked the wind out of me, so I didn't react right away. Right when I was sure I failed, that I was going to go tumbling into the abyss below, and this was the end… I stopped sliding. I was seated perfectly still on like the side of the rock with no grips, and a slippery one to boot. That really probably shouldn't be possible. Regardless, out of fear I reached for the other side of the rock to pull myself up.

The other side of the rock wasn't wet, unexpectedly. I managed to slide down it, but I didn't see a point in it that caught my foot and made me land face-first on the hard stone on the other side. And that leads to where I am now.

I feel like I betrayed the book, which is ridiculous, as it's not a person. But it has special meaning to me, after all these days… but obviously for that kind of climb I needed both hands. You see, halfway through, I tosses the book over to this side of the chasm. It's presence being way over there only drove me further into wanting to cross, like it was no longer just an option. I needed my book back, and desperately too. But what if I failed? What if I never managed to cross, or I misaimed and it fell into the darkness of the ravine? I would never forgive myself for losing the most precious thing I have remaining. You'd think, hey, it's just a book of all my own writing. It's not important. But you'd be surprised what something can mean to you… when it's all you have left.

Speaking of landing flat on my face like an idiot over here, my face is bleeding, obviously. Who'd have guessed. It got pretty banged up, actually, more than you'd think. I can feel the pain, and honestly, feeling physical, stabbing pain instead of exhaustion and worn-down muscles, not to mention the emotional drag of it all… it feels good. I love feeling this pain. It's something new. Something different. At this point anything different, even if it inflicts harm on me, feels good. Is this what I am now?

I didn't think I landed this hard though. There's a lot of blood seeping from the scratches, more than I expected. I'm none too happy about that, it reminds me of that hallucination with the blood. I don't want to remember that.

I've gotten used to it though as I've been lying here a good few minutes. I've tried writing in blood on the stone, as the pencil thing doesn't leave a mark. I drew me smiling, next to Komaeda smiling. I'm not the best artist, especially finger painting with my own damn life-fluid while it seeps out of me. But it made me kind of happy to see it. After the blood dried up though, the markings disappeared. It seems the blood itself disappeared even, like it evaporated or something. I'm pretty extra sure blood can't do that. But this reality has it's own rules. Nothing in this fucked up world makes sense anymore.

I've been sitting here now watching the blood pour from my face into a nice neat little pool. It sure is a lot. Why won't it stop bleeding? The blisters bled a lot as well, if I recall. I don't have those blisters anymore for some reason, but I truthfully haven't done all that much walking lately. This bothers me, I like walking, besides the aching of my… I was gonna say legs, but it's pretty much everything that aches when I walk. It sounds cheesy probably but the thing that probably aches the most when I walk is my heart. I don't want to go through this hell anymore. I don't want to be here.

As I watch the blood pour from me, I can feel the life drain from me as well. It pooled up quite a lot and is seeping off the edge of the ravine now. I don't like to watch it, it reminds me of the bloody hallucination again.

...

It stopped bleeding finally. It's been likely a good hour, if I had any way to tell time. I still feel weak. I'm going to get some rest, then investigate the komaeda thing.


	10. Days 48-52

I'm walking over the where I saw the person right now as I walk. I'm feeling a little hopeful, to be fair. The thought of finding Komaeda again thrills me. I vow never to lose him again.

I've been walking for a bit. Did I pass it? Where is it? I don't see any trace of anyone. I should have seen it by now… now I'm losing hope again, with every step. It's depressing how I could lose something so important. I shouldn't have passed it, it was right near the ravine… unless it moved aga i ii0-f0sf=-

Alright, it's several hours later and Komaeda is asleep so I suppose I should recap.

Well I was walking back there, the mess up at the end of the entry was because Komaeda somehow got behind me and snuck up on me. It scared the shit outta me, but he was laughing. I've been dying to hear that laugh. It fills me with hope, and for once in so long, I laughed too. It feels good. He was so ecstatic I didn't know such happiness could exist in such a soul-sucking realm.

We talked again, but he had no memory of anything. He remembered falling into the water and watching my panicked face as he sunk deeper and deeper, then started drowning, unable to breathe as he sunk further and further into the darkness until he finally fell unconscious. It sounds horrible. I can't imagine it. Asphyxiation just sounds so traumatic. He thought he was going to die, but ended up waking up. He still felt like he was underwater, and was but he could breathe. He believes it was just a hallucination, but he felt like he was still on the cold stone surface only underwater as well.

Then the water started draining. He was right next to the ravine, and all the water was pouring down there. He watched as all the water coursed around him and fell like waterfalls down the chasm's pit. The water did not push him down the hole, it just went around him, until there was no more, and everything was dry except for him. He recalled seeing my silhouette running and yelling from the other side of the chasm, but weakness took over and he fell unconscious again. One thing I'd like to note: When Komaeda jumped up and scared me, he was soaking wet, but there was no sign of water around. If this has any connection to his hallucination, I have yet to know.

Anyways, he woke up, unlike I said, dry as a bone. He saw me walking, facing away from him. How I failed to see him I'll never know. He ran up to me and scared me, and while we were laughing about it he realized he was soaked again. Neither of us have any clue why or when that happened. He's been drying off though. He sheepishly took his soaked shirt off and hung it on the boulder I used to cross the ravine. Both sides were dry now for some reason, but as his shirt dries, it's dripping water onto the side that was wet when I crossed, so it's wet again. You know, all this time and I've never actually noticed anything about what we're wearing. It just seemed so insignificant.

We both have similar clothing. Rough jeans with tears here and there, which seem normal to me, and a plain white shirt. Well, for me. For Komaeda it's also a white shirt, but it has some sort of red symbol on it. It doesn't seem important, just a shirt design. He takes a liking to it though, but not when it's wet. Ever since it's gotten windy, it's been pretty terrible to be wet, as the wind freezes even more than it did when dry.

He awkwardly left his pants out to dry as well, and he's now sitting here sleeping in his underwear. I don't really care as much as he thinks, after all these horrible days something like this isn't going to faze me that much. But he was pretty shy about doing so. I envy him. I wish I could care about something so trivial now. But there's very few things I care about at this point. I wish I could care like him. I wish something like that could bother me like him. I wish I still had something to live for like him.

I still feel weak. I can't imagine how it feels to have strength back. That sounds fantastic. I have fantasies about being able to walk without aching, being happy and optimistic, about seeing an exit to this horrible realm. I wish I was in hell. It couldn't be nearly as agonizing as this place, not by a long shot...

Day 49-

I stopped sleep-crying again. Maybe it's a Komaeda thing.

Komaeda had a dream it was my birthday, so now I guess we agreed it's my birthday. I don't know what that entails. I don't know how old I am, so I don't know how old I supposedly am now. It's not like there's cake or presents or anything so this doesn't really change anything about today to make it different from any other day.

Komaeda still is celebrating though. I think he can see how hopeless I've become and is trying to make me feel better. It's extremely kind of him, but I don't have the heart to tell him it's far too late for me to feel happiness and hope. Just the words alone sound alien to me now. I don't know if I can feel happiness anymore. But he got a smile out of me, so if there's still a chance that I can be happy once again, he'd be the one to make it happen.

Even if his smiles and cheerful statements is a facade, which I know they are… I'm so lucky to have him here with me.

Day 50-

Happy 50 day anniversary of the worst thing to ever happen to me. And still not one step closer to finding out anything about the nature of this world. Nothing about this is natural, so nothing about this applies to what I know about the way the world, the normal world, works. I'm broadening the options. Am I in a computer? Am I dreaming? Am I on another planet? These are about all the things me and Komaeda have come up with from our brainstorming. We know it isn't much.

Komaeda is completely dry now. it took all day on my "birthday" for him and his clothing to dry out. Seem to be running theme with liquid from what I know about how long blood runs. The first birthday I've ever had spent with one ecstatic person in his underwear. Heh, maybe our situation is just as ridiculous as this world. We're seemingly adapting to the stupidity of this existence with our own stupidity.

He's dressed now and we've started walking again. It feels great and horrid at the same time to begin walking again. It's hard to describe. Like I'm desperately wanting to never take a step ever again, but also being obligated to walk by some force. Komaeda hasn't questioned why we're walking again. It's like he feels the same force now, but maybe I'm wrong. I can't know what he's thinking.

Komaeda showed me something he found on the walk that he forgot about. While he was drowning in the pit of water he saw a round object and pocketed it out of instinct. He didn't even really remember choosing to reach out and grab it, he just did.

He didn't remember what it was, but he remembered he had it so he reached for his pocket, and it was still there. It's a compass. I'm relieved. Now we know for sure which direction we're headed, and that we aren't moving in circles. We decided on heading North, which was directly away from the ravine.

I don't touch the compass. He doesn't seem to want me to, as he's reluctant, but I know he feels bad keeping it from me. I told him I understand, it's his treasure. I feel the same way about this book and pencil. I'm awfully protective of it now, and I feel a rush of pain in the back of my head if I hand it to him, and have a terrible headache when he holds it. I feel like snatching it back in a flash and securing it. But I have no reason to feel like that. He says it's similar to him with the compass.

We decided to make a deal to respect one another's treasures and not to touch the compass or book. I'm glad. I don't care too much about the compass, as long as he shows me we're going in the right direction, but for some undescribable reason I want him desperately to keep him hands off this book.

I'm glad we can respect each other. I showed him the contents of the book whenever he was curious, just to show by keeping the book from him I'm not keeping secrets. He doesn't doubt me luckily, as there really isn't much to hide when you're in this wasteland. I just want to make sure. I don't want to make it seem like I don't trust him, as I do, more than anything. I have nothing else to invest my trust in, anyways. He hastily assures me he trusts me, but I still feel bad for restricting him access to the book. I can't imagine how it would be without this book. Just me and my thoughts… madness. I would have lost my mind by now. Komaeda is a tough person mentally.

But if his compass keeps him happy in the same way, who am I to judge? I don't see how it gives him hope, as it doesn't do much, but hey, a book of my own insane scribblings shouldn't give hope either.

And yet it somehow does. 

...

We walked the whole day. He was actually pretty damn adamant about making sure we were heading straight North the whole time, and I'm thankful about this. We didn't find anything new, however. the cold, hard stone just seems to drag on forever. I started watching the cracks in the ground as I walked, and broke down and started crying, much to Komaeda's concern. I don't really know why I did that. I feel bad as when I started tearing up, when Komaeda saw, he did as well.

We sat there for a good 15 minutes, just crying, and neither of us had any clue why. But we didn't ask, we just cried.

Then when we stopped crying, I looked at Komaeda, and we ended up sharing a friendly hug. It felt so nice and reassuring. Maybe it was exactly what I needed. My body warmed up, and everything stopped aching for a few seconds. I can't thank him enough for the hug, but apparently he shared the same experience.

We stopped there, and decided to sleep. He fell asleep first, and when I looked up and saw his slumbering form, I cried a little more. I still don't know why. I'm now wiping my tears as I write this. But now I'm feeling as exhausted as I've been the past 50 days, and I think I better go to sleep too…

Day 5

1-

Im so happy to have Komaeda here again Im so happy to have Komaeda here again Im so happy to have Komaeda here again Im so happy to have Komaeda here again Im so happy to have Komaeda here again sohappysohappysohapysohappysohappysogappyso happysohappysohappysohappysohappyhappyhappyhappyhappyhaptyhappygappthappygpayoaooaaouipiwantityihappycompasshapptgappyhappygappyhappyhappyhappiestdayofmyentireshittyfuckingexistencehappy

Happy

Happy

Happy

Day 52-

Komaeda tells me I did the crazy thing again. Apparently I ran after him trying to get his compass. I don't know why, I don't really want it or have a reason to want it. If I want to see the direction he shows me. I have no reason to invade on what's important to him. I don't know why I would do that. it's made him pretty upset.

The last thing I want is to make my one and only ally here not trust me. He says it's not that he doesn't trust me but if I don't mind he'd rather not show me the compass anymore. It's troubling as I have to trust that we're heading North, but I can't blame him. This is my fault. I've apologized but he said it's fine. He's surprised I don't do this more often knowing the sanity-crushing nature of this world.

That makes me think- the only way I know this happens is Komaeda telling me, so how many times have I done that before I reunited with him? Well I guess I scribble some weird things in the book too... things that when I read it now, it sends a chill down my spine... but there's no promise that I write in the book everytime it happens. The thought scares me, especially because you'd think it would happen more then, since Komaeda keeps me more sane than when I'm alone.

Hey, when there's no way to tell if time has passed, for all I know I could have spent years between "today" and "yesterday" sprouting wings and doing loop de loops in the sky spreading rainbows behind me, then wake up and have no memory of it. Ugh. I really don't know anything.


	11. Days 53-55

Day 53-

We started out walking even more. Komaeda has decided to disregard my little breakdown, which is awfully kind of him. I think the wasteland is starting to get to him too. I wonder if he'll have a breakdown too at some point... I sure hope not, he's my only source of hope at this point. To see him like that... well, what would I have left? I'd probably lose it too. Then what would we do...?

I just have to hope that never happens. It's all I can do at this point. Despite such a huge area I'm trapped in, I feel so buckled down and restricted. It ironically makes me feel claustrophobic, not in a physical sense but… in an action never really has been much I can do, besides just hope.

We still haven't found anything new, though, as always. Are we really still moving in the right direction? I assumed any direction would be the right direction so long as it's away from where we started. But there's a chance that maybe we should have gone West or something. Maybe we should have followed the chasm, to see where it ends up. Regardless, I wish something new would turn up. Komaeda looks restless too. I wish we could find something... something to bring a smile back to his face. Something to stop him before it's too late, stop him before he ends up like me.

Day 54-

Well, we found something. It's the grass again. It makes me feel both a bit better, but also like we're going in circles. Komaeda offered that there can always be multiple patches of grass. He has his smile back. This makes me feel a little better in turn. Besides, now that we know we're heading in a straight direction, we couldn't be going in circles anymore. The compass is so amazing.

Komaeda likes the grass. I keep catching him weaving his hands through it. It's the tall grass too, that reaches to our knees and tickles. We plan to spend the rest of the day making beds out of the grass. This will potentially end up being the best sleep I'll have had in awhile, and that goes for us both...

We finished the beds. Mine was looking a little bigger than Komaeda's pile, so I helped him a little. His hands are shaky, and it seems like any movement he does with them is slow and almost unsure. I didn't know whether it'd be impolite to ask, but since there's nothing else to do I did it. He's not too sure about it either. He says it feels like everything he does physically almost hurts him emotionally instead, and he doesn't even know why. Just like me, everything he does makes him extremely tired too, but I've forgotten about it. I don't know how it feels not to be exhausted anymore.

A lot of things I do, whether it's walking, ripping grass from the ground and arranging it, or even shuffling over while lying down hurts physically for me, which makes sense as they're physical tasks. Komaeda doesn't seem to have this nearly as much, as it's more of a strain on him emotionally. He seems sort of awkward about talking about it, but I don't blame him, I mean, who wants to talk to a random stranger you met in this shithole of a land about personal things like your emotions? That's only something you'd relay to a close friend you've known for years, or at least I'd think so. I synthesize completely, and probably would be hesitant about it too, if I really felt anything anymore.

I don't want to pry him for it, I mean it's his personal matters, but I sort of ask now and then what kind of things he feels. It probably is better to talk about it instead of holding it in. Plus, I'll take any chance I can to talk to Komaeda, and he seems to second that opinion. Just talking to him feels a lot better than anything else has done to improve my mood. There's a lot I still don't know about him, as there's only so much we can share when we don't know much about ourselves to begin with, but he seems a lot like me. Maybe, in another life, in a normal, rational situation instead of this unending hell, we could have been good friends.

Komaeda told me how he's been feeling. He's even allowed me to write about it in this book. He trusts me a lot, and honestly I don't know why he does so feely. If I was in his situation, the person in mine would be incredibly suspicious to me. That frightens me, as I have no way to prove I'm not responsible for this situation. That's why it's a huge, huge honor that he could trust me like this. It means a lot to know that he feels he can trust me to this extent, if even at all in the first place.

He tells me he feels there's always something nagging on his mind, but it gets worse with the more physical effort he exerts. He says it's mostly depression, and that he claims to feel like he's ignoring some sort of elephant in the room, like he feels there's something he wants to do so badly but has no control of, and it drags him down. It appears to be more than just the desire to leave this forsaken fucking land. He added that just recently, he feels like there's something he's forgetting, or someone. I asked if it was a girlfriend or something, but he got really awkward and muttered something about not really feeling anything like that towards a girl… oh shit, I didn't think much of it when I heard him say it, but… did he mean he never liked a girl before, or… that he's more inclined towards… guys? Err, uh, not that there's anything wrong with that, of course-! To each their own…! I mean... if I were to guess… um… he seems kind of like the type of guy to… be into that kind of thing too..:

Wait- What if the reason he trusts me so willingly is…! 

Ah shit, no, I can't make assumptions without evidence. And besides, of course that's not the case, of course he wouldn't… think...

Even if it's embarrassing, I have to admire the fact that this topic has made me feel an emotion again. But even so… maybe I spoke too soon, and it was better off before when I couldn't feel much of anything… but to think, there's a chance that Komaeda…

Aw fuck. This is so awkward. I really can't let him read this journal ever again.

Day 55-

I was right, I had an actually incredible sleep for once. I feel fantastic, if still exhausted. I don't believe anything could take that away instead of leaving this shithole. I feel better that I have for awhile however, so it's a start. Komaeda says he feels the same way.

We feel fit to walk, so we're walking. To save efforts later we decided to grab our little clumps of grass nests, but I've lost a lot of the grass since I started walking.

I had another dream last night. I just remember me and Komaeda walking through a field like this one, only the grass was a lot unreasonably taller, like over our heads. Then, a hole opened in the sky, and it was beautiful. There was a sane, normal sky, a bright lovely blue with clouds, in the hole, instead of this horrible grey. A person looked down on us, and I forget what they look like mostly, but they had pretty distinct pink hair. They threw a rope down for us, and we climbed out. Then we were back in our normal world, there was green grass instead of this gross beige grass, and there was a vivid blue sea and sky, and there were forests and everything. It was beautiful. And uh, then…

Um… I know this is my personal journal and I should write everything I'm experiencing, but… I dunno, it's a little awkward to say it. I obviously didn't tell Komaeda the next part of my dream, but I guess he's not gonna see this part of the journal already, so uh… I dunno, I guess in the dream, er… I ended up being so happy about leaving that, well… it resulted in me and Komaeda, uh, kissing. Hey- I don't choose what I dream about-!

Regardless, I'd rather not go into it too much. There are other topics to discuss.

See, me and Komaeda were on a break from walking. We were discussing all the things kind of weird about this world and trying to find explanations for them, and one of them we reached was that how it's been so long now, and neither of us has had any feelings of starvation. Granted, some Kusamochi sounds unbelievably fantastic, and makes my mouth water a little, but I can live without eating, and the past 55 days of no eating proves that.

So, naturally Komaeda did something I didn't admittedly think of. He tried eating. He just flat-out scooped up some grass, and nibbled on it. He said it didn't taste very good, and honestly the taste of ashy nothingness from before was a better taste. I sadly believe him. He sat for awhile mushing up the dull faded grass in his maw, not without an amusing look of disdain. He cringed a tad, then swallowed the mush successfully. He shivered the whole process with discomfort, and said he could feel it sliding down his throat slimily the whole time. But he was still interested in doing this completely, and downed another few mouthfuls, not without a similar, if not worse, reaction.

He looks sickly. We've yet to know whether that's what happens if we eat, or if we eat grass specifically. It was kind of funny, to be fair, but I made the mistake of giggling a little. Then he had a sly smile and said for a control group of this experiment, I should down some grass myself. Eugh, I don't want to… but I can't come up with a better argument after he says it may affect him and me differently.

I don't even know what we're testing for. Are we seeing if we'll feel sick from it? If we feel slightly better once it's digesting in our systems? Or, uh… if we end up even passing it? He shrugged and said why not all the above. That's not very helpful. Nonetheless, I was lead to eat the grass. I guess I should get started on getting this stuff inside my stomach.

...

Komaeda under-reacted, the grass was even worse than he made it out to be. God damn, I wanted to spit it on the floor and wring my tongue out. Horrible stuff. He seemed to enjoy my own suffering as I endured the taste, and felt the cold wet lump of slime slither deep down my gullet in the worst way imaginable. At least it's all over once it gets inside my stomach. The taste doesn't linger in your mouth, so that's at least one plus, if you're optimistic. But I still wouldn't recommend going several weeks without tasting something, then putting something right into your mouth so horribly, sharply bitter you could nearly swear it was severing your tongue off if it wasn't for the lack of blood. I almost even wish that it did, at very least the blood would cover the taste a little.

We're heading for sleep now, and I've been poking at my thin belly. I don't feel much different now that there's something in it. Let's just hope the grass isn't poisonous, ugh...


	12. Days 56-61

Day 56-

It's morning, and I don't feel much different from last morning. I don't think the grass had any positive or negative effects, nothing much really came out of the experiment. If it's any importance, me and Komaeda both managed to, well, use the bathroom for the first time in so long. It, uh, looked pretty digested. But we both feel no difference. I guess I won't be eating grass anymore. Thank goodness.

Not much to report otherwise, we're just walking today, as always. Komaeda trusts me to look at the compass again, if not hold it. Not like I need to, I trust him to lead us in the right direction. But it's also nice to be trusted again.

Day 57-

It's been awhile now so I'm starting to get worried. Writing makes me feel better, so I'll explain. See, Komaeda usually is awake before I am, so I found it weird to wake up and find him asleep. But now it's been at least a few hours probably, and he hasn't woken up yet. I even tried to wake him up but I couldn't. I've checked for breathing and a heartbeat, and it's all there. He just won't wake up. I've yelled, shook him, pushed him over, no reaction. It's worrying. Why won't he wake up?

Day 58-

I fell asleep after trying to wake up Komaeda, and I woke up today to find next to no difference. There are wet spots on his face that look like he was crying in his sleep, like I was before. I didn't really know what to do, so I actually picked him up and carried him over my back while I walked. Komaeda is surprisingly light. I thought he was drooling on my shoulder but he was actually crying a little more. I didn't really know what to do in this situation, so I just kept walking and allowed it.

Another thing- it's always been so cold here, what with the wind especially, but… today seems pretty warm. So warm it's making me break a sweat a little. I can't see the sun any clearer than a normal day- if it's even there- so I don't really understand why it's any warmer. I just keep pressing on, though. The puffy thick white hair lying on my neck doesn't help in the slightest. Who knew Komaeda's hair was so insulated, god dammit… Well, as light as Komaeda is, it's extra weight all the same, and I'm taking a break sooner than I would otherwise, and even think I'll go to sleep too. This time I'm making my little grass nest a little taller so I can crawl beneath a layer and with hope, get some shade in my bed.

Day 59-

Komaeda's awake, but it's a little weird. I woke up and was a little terrified, because it looked like he had been crying again, but instead of tears, it was blood seeping down along his face from his eyes. But, while I was panicking a little, he woke up. His eyes had blood right on them, and he said they were stinging. He rubbed the blood off, but now it's all over his shirt. After awhile of wiping his eyes, he could see again just fine. I explained to him what happened the last few days, and he says he doesn't feel like it's been 2 days at all, but the difference in location is apparently. Neither of us know why he fell unconscious or can figure out any sort of reason why he would be.

I showed him where we came from and he laughed at me, as I walked North West. How was I supposed to know? I couldn't just take his compass, it's his treasure. I'm sure he wouldn't take my book if I fell asleep like he did. I'd like to see him take it from me if what he says is true, heh. He claims that when I fall asleep, I clutch a damn death grip on the book and pencil. I had no idea, but I can imagine just as much. It's awfully important to me, consciously and subconsciously.

I don't understand the bleeding, or the crying, or the fact that Komaeda was asleep altogether. There isn't much I do understand, or ever have during my time in this world. But this is the norm now, isn't it?

Life here's a joke, and the joke's on us. Sometimes the only thing you can do to pretend it's not laughing at you is to laugh along with it.

Day 60-

More boring walking in grass. It's not hot anymore.

Day 61-

Holy shit, this wasn't what I was expecting at all.

I never imagined we could come across another person.

I should start from the beginning. We were just walking in the meadow still while Komaeda saw something odd-colored in the grass. We ran over to it, and… like I said it's another person. They're asleep, just like how I found Komaeda, all curled up in the grass drooling. Heh, actual drooling too, not crying like what we do for some reason. This one however isn't like Komaeda at all.

It's actually a girl. She has curly hair that goes to her shoulders, and it's all pink too. It's kinda cool. She looks startlingly pale, but unlike Komaeda it looks unnatural. I'm pretty sure she shouldn't be that pale. I hope she's okay. Komaeda thinks we should stick around and see if she wakes up instead of dragging her along. She may be really confused if she wakes up and finds herself slumped over the shoulder of some stranger. That may or may not be the last thing we want to do if we don't want to look suspicious.

Besides the paleness and pink hair, she seems pretty normal. She's wearing the same clothing as us, really, except it's a short skirt instead of jeans.

That aside, I guess there's not much else. Komaeda found a stick. It looks a lot like my makeshift pencil but without the lead. Speaking of which, Komaeda asked if he could use my pencil with the stick to see if he can ignite a fire with them, but was pretty disappointed when I said no. He's understanding of what the book means to me though, as well as the ability to write in it of course. There's the risk that the pencil could be damaged, and then what would I do? He said it makes sense, and politely said to forget he asked.

I'm glad I have someone so nice here with me. I wonder what the girl is like. I hope she's nice too, and that we can all get along. I'm gonna get Komaeda to stop poking her face with the stick, then head for sleep for the time being.


	13. Days 62-64

Day 62-

She's not awake yet. She's just sitting there drooling. I guess Komaeda didn't wake up right away when I found him the first time either like this, but… I still hope she does soon. I'm pretty excited to meet another person, and so is Komaeda. I wonder if we'll find more? How many more people are out here? In fact, we may have passed so many by walking in the grass alone! Who knows? Maybe we'll end up with a whole camp of like, 20 people! I'm so excited to find out…

We're discussing what she may be like. I don't like to judge by appearances, but it's all we have to go by, really. She's probably energetic and interesting. She's likely smart and practical. But naturally we have no way of knowing for sure.

There's not much we can do besides sit around and wait. Komaeda's offered that we eat more grass, and I offered that he's an idiot.

Day 63-

It happened! She woke up!

She just stretched and blinked at us confusedly. I don't think she can talk, because she hasn't made a sound. We've spent the day explaining everyone we know, which isn't too much, but it's the best we can hope for. She seems to believe us, and stood dazedly nodding while we talked understandingly. She's a fairly calm person and is kinda rational. I was completely wrong about the energetic part, though. She'd always in a daze, and sometimes falls asleep while walking even. It's really silly. We just explained that we're walking and she just silently follows. She agreed without question not to pry into my book, or try to touch Komaeda's compass. She understands they're our treasures and respects that. She doesn't seem all that bad. Komaeda agrees.

we look back at her a lot. She just follows right behind without any reluctance or suspicion. She doesn't really look like she cares about this situation much, besides looking around worriedly now and then. She seems to fully trust that we know what we're doing, and I wish she wouldn't honestly, because we don't know jack of what's going on. If it gives her confidence though, well, it's precious around here, so I'd rather not destroy it.

...

She did end up talking! Me and Komaeda were discussing what to call her since we can't talk to her, but then she did speak up after all.

Her name is Nanami. Nanami Chiaki.

She has a quiet, tired voice. We were amazed by seeing her talk, so we tried to ask more, but she fell asleep again while walking. This is actually a common thing, every 20 minutes we have to glance back to see if she's still there, or see how far back she is if she fell asleep. I don't really get how someone could fall asleep so easily. It's kinda funny and honestly gets us feeling a little better when we can have a laugh about it.

Truth be told, her name is all she's said. After we woke her up she hasn't talked much. We have been walking since, and lost all sight of grass. It's back to the same cold hard stone. We settled down at another spot, preparing for sleep.

...

While Komaeda has been wandering outwards, Nanami's been talking to me. She asked me how I feel about Komaeda. I told her I trust him, and well, he's all I've had for all this time now. He's really important to me. This put a slight smile on her face. It was a little cute. She seems to admire our friendship, or whatever it is.

After Komaeda came back she talked a lot more. It's pretty calming to talk to her. I think the three of us will get along well.

Day 64-

So uh, we have a bit of an issue.

When we all woke up and prepared to get walking yet another day, Nanami said something neither me nor Komaeda could have anticipated.

She asked us what was for breakfast. She said she was hungry.

Me and Komaeda just looked at each other, because we don't know what to do. Neither of us have to eat, so we never really expected her to have the need to eat. When we explained this she looked a little afraid. We've promised we'd look for food for her though. It's kind of hard when we're out of the grasslands and back on the cold grey rock. We gotta get her food… we have to. But what is there? 64 days and we haven't found anything remotely like food. I haven't told her that, all I've said is that I promise I'd try my best to find her food. She's thankful but she looks unsure of that being accomplished. But… if she needs food to live…

No, not a possibility. We *will* find her something to eat. We can't lose her… oh dammit, why is she put in this situation? Why does she have to eat, but not us? She seems so gentle and fragile, I can't imagine her getting weak from hunger. It's only been so long, but I already consider Nanami our friend. Komaeda seems adamant about getting her something to eat too, and for this I'm glad.

I don't want to say it's a good thing she has this issue, because it's not, it puts her at risk, but it also gives us a goal, something to strive for. Having a goal gives me all the more motivation to get out of here. It's only because of them that I can go 64 days in this insanity and yet still feel like we can escape it.

Who knows what dark, unforgiving pit of despair my mentality would be in if I didn't have them. Maybe I don't, and they're both just parts of my imagination, and I've already lost it. How scary would that be? I try not to think about it. Even if they're just hallucinations and I've been alone all this time, I may as well go with it.

Nanami's food problem doesn't seem as bad as normal hunger. She just feels a little hungry and it's been a solid day and a half of walking. Besides, she also doesn't have a thirst problem. She can likely go another few days before it gets to be an immediate problem.

Even so… I'm worried. It seems like a hopeless endeavor. I don't know if we'll ever find food for her in a few days, or at all if we had years. But we don't even have that. Can we do it?

I forgot to mention, at some point we tried walking south again to find the grass, in case we have to go worst case scenario and have her eat grass. Thing is, we found a chasm. Another one in the ground, blocking us from the direction the grass was. There is no way that chasm was there before. It's not the same one as the one I found Komaeda by, it's wider and a lot more jagged and less smooth. It doesn't seem to end, so we just headed North again. I don't know what's going on. Is the ground changing before us? That chasm was never there! I don't know what to think. I'm just stressed. I don't know what to do for Nanami. Whenever I look at her worriedly she just smiles and tells me not to concern so much. But we have to. We need to get her food. We have to get Nanami to live, at all costs.

She doesn't look nervous about it, just tired as always. All this walking is only spending extra energy, making her need food even sooner. I wish we could just sit where we are but then we'd never find food, obviously. I feel bad that she has to have this normality we lack. I'd be dead long ago if I had to eat, so as weird as it is that I don't have to, I'm thankful for that so I could live this long as is.

...

So we stopped for the night, and of course Nanami's more hungry, and we're more worried. Her stomach started being noisy on the last parts of the walk. She assures us not to worry about her though. We were all pretty concerned so I tried to change the topic so we can focus on something else. Making Nanami realize how hungry she is isn't going to help her.

So this happened next. I decided a good other topic was to see if any of us could try super hard to comb through our memories of the possibility of if we remember anything from before we got here. This was mostly for Nanami, because after how long me and Komaeda have been here it's unlikely we could just come up with something new. I didn't really expect her to remember anything, just like we couldn't… but she actually did!

It's the weirdest thing. She was sitting there thinking, looking so concentrated that it was kinda funny, then she leapt up all at once that it scared the shit outta me and Komaeda. Here's what she said, even though she informed me it was only a quick, instantaneous flash of a short memory.

The weirdest thing, is that first off, she said she knew me. She remembered me from before we all got cooped up here in the wasteland. This is bizarre, because I don't remember her, or anything, She doesn't seem to recall at all how close we were, or if we even knew each other, but she did have a flash of a memory, which is more than me and Komaeda combined could strive to remember. She claimed she remembered a vision of sorts, of me at a crosswalk, standing in the rain. And, well... that's all, unfortunately. Maybe she'll be able to remember more later. Nanami may be extremely useful in helping all of us get out of here. I'm glad we have her here with us. She seems to feel like a liability because of the food situation, but I don't feel like she's a burden at all. She and Komaeda also talk a lot, and get rich in conversation, so I'm sure he feels similarly.

I like having a goal. For some reason locating food seems like a more concrete thing I can get behind working towards than locating an exit. Almost because it feels like there's a chance we'll find food, but no chance we'll find an…

No, we'll find an escape, one day. All three of us. I'm sure of it.

I want to be sure of it…

But when was the last time I was sure of anything?


	14. Days 65-66

Day 65-

I woke up to Nanami seeing looking a little upset. She's been rubbing her belly, which has been noisy. She likes to pretend as if she's not hungry, but Komaeda and I exchanged looks. We both know otherwise. We're on a shorter clock than we know. We have to hurry. We need to focus on the food situation.

She's immensely sleepy, and there's no telling whether it's from the lack of food or if that's how she normally is. She still doesn't seem thirsty at all, which I guess we have to be thankful of. We tried to accept just sitting and resting but she refuses and says it's better just to walk. I guess we're not gonna find any food just sitting here.

We offered to carry her or something, but she insists on walking. I guess it would be kind of awkward anyways, even if it did save her energy. Her feet aren't hurting or anything, which is odd, considering how at first my feet hurt pretty much all the time after even just an hour of walking, but it's convenient.

...

It's been some hours. She's been walking slower, and looking off to the ground. She sort of cringes whenever her stomach growls, but doesn't want to stop walking. She has a pained but determined expression. Me and Komaeda both are concerned, but she's pretty insistent. I… I've been worrying about what would happen if, well, you know… we don't find any food. Komaeda has been pretty quiet for awhile and I can't help but wonder if he's feeling the same thing about the search.

It's stressing me, so I guess I should write about something else to get my mind off of it. While we were walking, Nanami got excited and ran off to the side. When she returned she revealed that she found some sort of strange bronze pendant thing. It's really pretty. Komaeda laughed and said now she has a little treasure like him with his compass and me with my book. I don't know why but I don't really like attention being drawn to this book… but that aside, she accepted that. She let us look at it all we wanted though. It doesn't seem of much use, just a sort of bronze chain with a red gem at the end. She put it on to take care of it. I don't see it as having much use, but I guess this book isn't really practical either physically, it just keeps me sane for the most part, heh…

So there you have it. Book, compass, pendant. This could be pretty symbolic of some shit, had this be like, an English class study, heh. For now though, we're just accepting things to hold on to.

Right now, she's holding the trinket on her wrist, toying with it. It's obviously a sort of technique she's using to ignore the hunger. I wish she would at least admit how hungry she is, but she just stares dazedly at the thing with those cloudy pink eyes instead, as if she's in some sort of trance. At very least I guess she's happy to have something to make her feel better. She's already getting attached, and is hesitant whenever one of us asks to view the little necklace, but I'm not one to judge.

...

She recalled something else. It was all so very exciting. She said something about going to some sort of school and seeing me at a table smiling at her, so she smiled back. That was all though, but it's amazing how she's recollecting all this. I wish I could recall this much. I feel like she's going to be really useful to us in figuring out how to escape this fucking nightmare. Now if only we could feed her… sigh.

She's calling bed time early. I don't feel that tired yet but… if she's out of energy I don't want to push her. It scares me how fast we're running out of time. Well… we're off to sleep I guess… with hope, we'll find food tomorrow.

Day 66-

We're all sitting around. She for once doesn't feel like walking. Now I'm really concerned, if her previously seemingly undying persistence is cut off by hunger. Komaeda's been surveying the area for any hope of nourishment for her, with no results so far. We've just been talking. I've been running through this journal, telling her of all the crazy shit we've seen so far. It's so odd seeing her different reactions, from giggling kinda cutely at the whole "birthday" thing, to looking horrified at the stories of whenever I apparently went batshit, especially the blood thing. Urgh- even now I friggin cringe to think of all that blood, even if it's been a bit of a while since that bullshit had happened.

Don't get me wrong, Komaeda is friggin awesome and the most invaluable thing I could ever ask for out here, but… for some reason I trust Nanami to look at this book more than Komaeda. I didn't let her hold it, exactly, but I had it out near her within reading distance and read out things myself. I don't think I could do that with Komaeda, and frankly I don't know why, I'd trust the guy with my life. She still lets me see the pendant, and Komaeda is allowed too, of course. Honestly it's kinda weird to see this little 66 day legacy spread out again all summed up in little paragraphs. I'm not a very good writer it seems… reading it just seems like a lie, because no one reading this would ever know how it's felt every step of the way, how hopeless it's felt, how horrible I feel each and every day, but I just don't bother to write it anymore because it's such a common thing now.

But I'm still

so

sick

of

it all

...

Nanami is back on her feet, but we're moving a lot slower as a whole. I feel so bad for her… if only there was something we could do… I've always hated how powerless we are in this hellhole. Nothing brings me down faster.

But what did I use to say? What was that again?

Oh, right.

Don't think, just walk.

I told the other two this. Komaeda remembers me mentioning it once, apparently, and is resolved to follow it. Nanami, however… isn't exactly a fan of the phrase. She seems troubled by it, almost appearing worried. I don't know why, it's just a phrase, and one that keeps us going after all this time.

Don't think.

Just walk.

...

Nanami made me kind of angry. No, not kind of, I really am angry. She questioned why I wrote in this book so much. She said something about me barely talking now and mainly just scribbling just words.

And the worst part- are you ready? She said… she said I should consider leaving the book alone for a few days! A few days! Can you believe it? I knew it, she's a hinderance on this group. I don't know if I can stand for this bullshit. I refuse to talk to her. She just whispers to Komaeda and he just shrugs back. They don't understand. They don't know. They just don't fucking know.

Nanami was exhausted and asked to break for the day. Fuck that. We're walking right now, about an hour later still, because we're fucking walking, no matter what she fucking says. I know I'm in danger now. I know what they're gonna do, and they're gonna take my friggin book while I'm asleep, I just know it. They can't have it. I can't let them have the only thing I have left. Well… well, Komaeda I think I can trust. We have a bond, we're cool, he knows how it is with his compass too. Nanami just doesn't fucking get it.

She's looking really desperate to stop. She's fallen about twice, and Komeda had to stop her from slamming into the ground. There is so much pain in that face. Serves her about damn right. That's what you get. Komaeda's a bit more merciful and says we ought to take a break too. That or he's tired as well. Truth be told, I'm tired too.

I swear to fucking hell if this sweet book is gone when I wake up, she'd be concerned about dying from something way different and worse than starvation.


	15. Days 67-69

Day 67-

They didn't touch the book. Komaeda said he never even thought of doing such an injustice. Of course he wouldn't, he's Komaeda. He's trustworthy. He laughed and said I was clutching it tightly overnight too. I'm not really surprised. But I feel like I can forgive Nanami a little. She's not making any comments anymore as I write thing, but she is watching me with a disdainful look. She's prolly just jealous that I have this perfect treasure and she just has some dumb trinket to clutch.

She's not getting up though, she's just lying down, unable to rise. She can blink and talk, but she sounds really pained. I wonder if she would have taken my book had she been physically even capable of doing so. I… I hate to say it, but I'm almost glad she's going through this pain, if it stops her from taking my book.

She just doesn't realize what this book is to me. She hasn't seen this many days of this ordeal, nor has she seen so many lonely days, just me and the book. It's been all I've had left some days. She'll never feel the same way.

Komaeda's gone to carrying her on his back. We're still walking. It's actually a windy day today, and I'm awfully glad for the presence of the wind, as it's not particularly common for it to be windy.

...

I'm actually starting to feel bad now. Nanami looks so weak already. She can hardly move, and even blinking is slow. If Komaeda dropped her, I don't think she could recover in time before falling face first on the hard stone.

Speaking of Komaeda, he's been awfully quiet. Being the insightful person he is, he probably already knows something's up. I admittedly haven't been 100% discreet about glaring at Nanami, and without context it probably doesn't look too good for me to be glaring at someone literally with the potential to starve to death. I should tone it down. I… I guess she just asked a question about me writing in the book. That's all. She has nothing… *against* it, per se. Right? She just doesn't get it, and I can't judge her, because she never will.

She's… looking this way as I write this. What does she know? She doesn't know me. She hasn't been here for over two fucking months. She doesn't know how this feels. She doesn't know how any of this feels! She hasn't been here for a fucking week even! What gives her the right to judge me?!

...

Nanami is asleep. We stopped again. Komaeda brought me a it away and asked me what was wrong. I like Komaeda a lot, I really do. He always knows when something's up. He cares when I'm upset. I'm glad he's here, I feel like I can trust him with anything. And so, naturally, I told him everything.

...He didn't seem so sure of what to make of it, but he didn't at all seemed against what I thought. He looked kind of worried though. I asked him what's up and he said how much he respected my book and how he'd never think to even touch it, but while the book isn't what concerns him, it's how apparently *possessive* of it I'm getting of it. Whatever that means. I'm not getting possessive of it. This thing's just important to me. *Really* important. He dismissed it and said he wasn't trying to make any claims about me or the book. Of course he wouldn't. It's Komaeda, after all.

What concerns me is that he says that this is how I've acted right before my little, ah, freakouts. I don't… I don't think I'm acting up, but I trust Komaeda's judgement. I don't want to end up hurting him or anything… or, well, I guess Nanami either, really. I don't know how to prevent it or anything like that.

He admitted to me that he's already addressed this concern to Nanami, and she thought we should try separating me and the book, but he of course knows the bond I have with this thing and disagreed. Pffft, I should have known. I'm sure glad I have him to set things through. He guarantees me that Nanami promises she won't go for the book without Komaeda's say. But I don't know her, and how trustworthy she is. I'm going to be cautious just in case. She can't have my fucking book. She will never have my book. Never. Never ever. Never ever ever ever ever. Never ever never ever never ever never ever never ever never ever never ever never ever never ever never ever never ever never ever never ever never ever never ever never ever never ever never ever never ever never ever never ever never ever never ever never ever never ever never ever never ever never ever never ever never ever never ever never ever never ever never ever never ever never ever never ever never ever never ever never ever never ever never ever never ever never ever never ever never ever never ever

NEVER.

DAY 6

8-

YOUCANTHAVEMYBOOKDONTYOUFUCKINGTAKEITAWAYORIWILLkillyou

m i n e

Day 69-

…

Komaeda was right.

I can't believe it. I can't fucking believe myself… what the fuck is wrong with me?

It… it may come off to you as a surprise, but… I'm actually going to let Komaeda write what happened. I'm a little frazzled and I can't think of it straight. He says he'll protect the book over his life while he uses it, and it's proof that I'm over the possessive thing if I let him hold it. He was hesitant, but he said I can hold his compass while I does so, so if anything happens to my treasure, I've got his as insurance. He also says he'll not read through what I've written before. He's a saint. How can he be so kind to some savage like me? After everything I just fucking did…?

Well… here's what went down, uh… according to him. I'm off to watch Nanami so I can apologize fifty times if she- when she… wakes up.

 _Hello, Hinata-kun. You are very trusting to let me write in something so important to you., and I truly appreciate it. You're most certainly not a bad person, so please remember that, while I go through everything that has happened yesterday._

 _I'll start at the point in which was the last thing you said you remember, when you were scribbling in this book. It was angry, harsh writing, and I'd be blind not to notice how forcefully you were writing. I knew it was going to be soon, that you'd snap again, and so did Nanami-san. We exchanged a worried look, and I got up and moved towards you. You were essentially growling at the paper, heheh… When I was within a few meters you stopped, and were glaring at me. It was rather scary. I made the mistake of touching the paper you were writing on, so perhaps it was my fault, or that was just the straw that broke the donkey's back._

 _I don't want to refer to you as "you" in this anymore, because it wasn't you. You're Hinata-kun, and you wouldn't act like this. You weren't in control of yourself and I don't want you to blame yourself for something you had no say over. For now on I'll say "H"._

 _After I touched H's paper, he snarled and leapt at me. You he pinned me down, and his eyes were dark so I knew you were no longer in control, and just your instincts were left. Therefore I knew negotiating was out of the question. I didn't want to hurt him, so I just held back and blocked his arms as he swung towards me, trying to hit me with his fists._

 _I rolled over and pinned H to the ground, but I wasn't aware behind me Nanami-san was taking action. She was dragging her weakened, hunger-decayed form over to where H had dropped the book. I saw H look past me and followed his gaze towards her, taking the book and pencil in her grasp. I shouldn't have looked away, as H punched me over and kicked me in the jaw._

 _While I was recovering, I had just enough time to see witness Nanami-san looking helpless and weak, using all the strength she had remaining to hold the book in her gentle hands, and seeing H stagger over to her. H punched her in the face, kicked her side after she fell, and ripped the book from her hands. Nanami-san's face was bleeding, and she was unconscious. There was only so much her energyless body could do before that happened. He was going to do more, but I leapt at him from the back, and pinned him down again. He struggled, but I shoved him away from us._

 _With a clear chance, I scooped up Nanami onto my back, and ran a fair distance away. H didn't follow. He was violently writing in his newly regained book, and you may notice some pages torn out. He ripped them out himself and actually ate the pages, I don't know why. After awhile he was just standing up, glaring at us while I watched over Nanami-san and tried to rip some of my pants to use cloth to clean her head wound. My head was damaged too but it wasn't nearly as bad. H's glare was faltering bit by bit, until he eventually collapsed, and the next day, you were back in control. I could tell it was you because you even dropped the book to go see how Nanami-san was the instant you saw the little stream of blood trailing from her forehead. I suppose I don't have anything else to write, as you know the rest._

 _Please don't blame yourself for this, Hinata-kun. There was nothing you could do to prevent this. Even though Nanami-san isn't awake yet, I don't think she'll blame you too much either, knowing her._

 _Promise me you'll forget this little thing, Hinata-kun. It's not your fault. Let's work together and get past this, okay? I'm here with you every step of the way, and don't forget it. (:_

 _-Komaeda_

I hate to admit how stressful it was not to have my book with me, and knowing someone else had it, even if it was only a few minutes. It's important to me, but I don't want to hurt others as a result of it. It was awfully kind of Komaeda to say that kind of thing, but how could I not blame myself? It's a lot easier said than done. I did this, after all, regardless of if I did purposefully or not…

I guess all we can do is wait for Nanami to wake up for now. I feel so horrible. She was so frail and weak from hunger already, how could I fucking do this? If she never forgives me, I couldn't blame her for a second. I… I could have killed her, if Komaeda didn't stop me by tackling me there. She's still breathing and everything but… what would have happened if Komaeda wasn't there? I'm so, so damn thankful for him…

I want to keep walking and find another chasm so I can fucking throw myself down it, for fuck's sake…

Komaeda's been at my side, trying to rub my shoulders and assure me not to worry about it all. I really appreciate his attempts to help me relax. I feel so greedy feeling like this, because it means all his efforts are for nothing. Maybe I should try to work on forgiving myself like he wants, for his sake…


	16. Days 70-75

Day 70-

 _(Crossed out)_

 _Nanami still isn't up, and I don't know what to do, her breathing is becoming lighter and lighter. Oh fuck, if I fucking… well... killed her... I don't know what I'd do… I'm scared. Terrified. I'll admit it. I didn't want this. Why the fuck did I do this? Why the fuck did this happen, and by my own fuckin two hands to make it all the more damn better… how could I ever let this happen? Why did she deserve this? This land, it's so, so so damn cruel, maybe even more than it is physically… I don't want to go through any of this anymore. I don't know what to do…. what if I end up doing the same to Kom-_

Nanami woke up while I was writing. I'm so, so damn relieved. And… and she forgave me. Her voice is so weak, it's shaky and quiet, even hard to hear when I'm right next to her. It doesn't make it any easier on me. She has the piece of Komaeda's pant wrapped around her head, and it's all bloodsoaked where I punched her… She can barely open her eyes with the strength she has left. She wasn't a bad person at all… how the fuck could I do that to her… and how could she forgive me?

We're going to go hard for her today, there's nothing much I can do for her so I'm going to do the extent of everything I _can_ do. After this, I'm pulling her onto my back, and me and Komaeda, we're running, we're going to move as fast as we can, as far as we can. We're doing it today, we're going to find her food, if it's the last thing I do. It's all I can offer her anymore. I'm wrap this up now, and head out. I'll report back with the good news soon!

We didn't find any food. We're exhausted are can barely move. I think me and Komaeda both are getting blisters again. We were that intense in our search, it was so many hours, but I don't think I can physically do anymore. I feel horrible, this exhaustion pain is a papercut compared to how Nanami is feeling. She's in a lot of pain, it's obvious. I feel so useless. Is this the extent of my power here? Is this all I can do? I've… I've hurt her… way more that I've helped her, for fuck's sake…

She's unconscious again. She's still breathing, but painfully slowly. She's just conserving energy, right? She's fine… right? The last thing she said before she slipped unconscious is… is… she smiled and said... thank you. Thank you? What did I do? All I did was hurt her! I'm not fucking worth thanking…! That's it. We need to look for more food tomorrow, and try as hard as we can, even harder than we tried today. I need to do this, I need to make it up to her… anything I can do… anything, dammit…

We've… failed?

Nanami… I'm sorry.

I'm so fucking sorry…

Day 71-

When I woke up

Nanami was unconscious

She had a smile on her face

But

she wasn't breathing anymore

She's gone.

Nanami Chiaki

Day 61- Day 71

The girl who gave us insight on everything.

The girl who kept us going.

The girl we failed.

The girl… I failed.

Who died.

Because of **me**.

Day 72-

We stayed near her, but she disappeared. Her body is gone. Komaeda won't stop hugging me. I hope he never does.

We walk today.

Don't think, just walk.

Day 73-

We walk today

Don't think, just walk.

Day 74-

We walk today

Don't think, just walk.

Day 75-

We rest today. We intended to talk, but we didn't end up saying anything. We have nothing to say.

I did end up saying something to him.

I thanked him for being here.

I'm so frickin thankful Komaeda's here. There's no way I can express that in pen and paper.

He gave me a hug. I probably needed it. Komaeda…

Komaeda is invaluable. I don't remember anything from the life before this cruel, relentless insane reality, but…

I don't think I had anyone half this incredible back then either. Komaeda is a one in a billion friend.

...

I miss Nanami. She deserves to be back. But I don't deserve to see her again.

I wish I could have known her for at least a bit longer…

Komaeda doesn't let me think about it. He reminds me it's half of my own personal rule, after all, don't think, just walk.

Minus the walk part. We've been sitting here popping blisters in our feet. He's trying to make conversation and I appreciate it. I feel bad for not really helping hold the conversation up. I just like watching the blood pour from the blisters. It still seems like a lot more than it should be. It swirls around in an unsure path, and every now and then the blood stemming from my feet mixes with Komaeda's own blood trails and it makes me feel sick, even if it's not in my body anymore and I shouldn't really care.

It's actually kind of weird when I think about it… this ground is flat, isn't it? Then why is all the blood pouring in trails? Shouldn't it just expand into a makeshift puddle?

Komaeda took out his compass and told me the blood pours North. Are we travelling downhill? I didn't know that there was an incline, nor did I ever really think about it. Well… I guess if we somehow lost his compass and need to find North, we have an internal compass… literally internal, that is. I can't imagine having to injure myself just to know if I'm going the right way, though ohgodnoNanamiwhysipsoilijjdieijjpajdwhyuhihjdoiahdi

I broke out crying again about you-know-who… it was only inevitable. I knew I was going to sooner or later. I can only distract myself for so long.

Komaeda's been a little clingy, and frankly, although I used to hate the idea of anyone touching me, this time I really don't mind. I don't have enough emotion or willpower to push him away, and for the most part it even feels a little better compared to when he's not. He doesn't do too much touching, just leans against my back or shoulder, or hugs me. We're alright on hugging terms, in a friendly sort of way at least, I feel like we could both need it.

Why? We only knew her for like a week, and yet it hurts so much. And yet…

We only knew her for a week, why did she have to disappear so soon…

This is different than when Komaeda fell in the pit of water. I panicked, I was sad, I was scared… but I didn't feel loss. I knew he wasn't dead.

I feel loss now. I know Nanami is gone, and there is no way she will come back. Gone with one of her last memories is of me hurting her, screaming, clawing, trying to… trying to… all because of this stupid notebook.

I wish I could throw it away. I want to leave it on the ground and keep walking with Komaeda, never seeing it again. But I can't bring myself to do it. It feels like it's locked to me, mentally speaking. It's hard to explain, but… when I let go of it, it's like every cell in my body is screaming to scoop it up again instantly. I can barely let go for seconds at a time. Why? Why do I have this attachment? An attachment that hurt someone important to me… an addiction, you could almost say…

If one day I… if I hurt Komaeda over this… this fucking, god damned book…

Komaeda still has that stick he found. I still have the pencil. I would simply make a fire with the sticks.

And…

I would burn it.


	17. Days 76-79

Day 76-

We found grass again. Fucking grass.

A consumable plant, if not pleasantly consumable, that can be eaten. Can sate hunger. Can save someone starving to death.

Was this a fucking race? Did we just not run fast enough? Just because we didn't walk fast enough to find grass? Did a life end because we were fucking slow?!

Komaeda scolds me when I start talking about "could have"s, "would have"s and "should have"s. He's right, there was nothing we could do. It bites at my mind, and the grass rustles as it's it's mocking me, laughing cruelly and hollowly, so it's hard to remember my little rule. My rules that applies here more than anywhere.

Don't

Think  
Just

Walk

Everytime I look down, Komaeda tells me this.

Don't

Think  
Just

Walk

Everytime I start to sniffle, Komaeda turns around and reminds me.

Don't

Think  
Just

Walk

Everytime I suggest we just… stop… and give up…

He looks at me with a grave expression, like he's trying to hide his own feelings. And then he repeats it.

Don't

Think  
Just

Walk.

...

Komaeda started to shake and breathe rapidly. He muttered something, but I recognized only one word, which was a name. It hurts to hear it just the same as it hurts to think about it. So this time, I told him instead.

Don't

Think  
Just

Walk

Don't

Think  
Just

Walk

Don't

Think  
Just

Walk

What would I ever do without Komaeda?

Day 77-

We agreed to just sit and let each other cry today.

Day 78-

Komaeda hesitantly told me he's going to retry the experiment, only with eating all the grass he could possibly get inside his stomach, now that we're in the grassy areas again. I am definitely *not* taking part. Let's see how this goes.

...

I'm sitting here writing with one hand while patting Komaeda's back with the other, while he shivers and lunges forward every time he throws up. I gotta admit, it did get quite the laugh out of me.

Poor guy. He looks just as pale green as the grass!

Wait, he… he's eating more. He stopped throwing up like once and now he's shovelling more into himself. I'm not allowed to interrupt the experiment, apparently, but… is this really a good idea?

He consumed a pretty impressive amount of grass. He still looks sickly, but he proposes we walk more today. I'm going to have to hold him up, aren't I… he'd better not throw up on me, or I swear...

...

He only threw up on me twice. I'm proud of him.

Currently I'm sitting here waiting for him, as it's been a few hours since he's eaten the grass and he reported a horrible stomachache. He shuffled away into the grass, and it's been awhile. I've shouted out to him and I get an awkward reply, and a desperate call not to come over there under any circumstances, so I've uh, complied.

Hey, I told him it was a bad idea. Even if it was kinda funny.

Day 79-

Komaeda's feeling a little better. He had another stomachache but it's not nearly as bad. We're walking again today, nothing too exciting. I think Komaeda's little grass adventure made me feel a little more happier again. He's so silly sometimes…


	18. Days 80-81

Day 80-

Amazing! You won't believe it, but today it snowed! Snow! Real, cold, mushy, snow! This is incredible, who'd have thought! It's incredibly cold, but at this point I don't really care.

Komaeda and I had a fun day today, where we put everything aside just to try to have a fun time. I can't remember the last time I felt as thrilled as this. I love the feeling of having emotion back.

We did all the classics. We built a snowman. Komaeda still has the stick so we used that as a nose for it. After that we made forts and had a snowball fight. It felt good to be pelted in the face with snow, believe it or not. It stings, and carries sharp pain, but I love it. I love feeling anything, even pain, at this point. There's nothing quite like the sensation of… well, anything. Any sensation at all.

We tried to make an igloo but it collapsed after hours of trying to make it work. I could tell Komaeda was disappointed, and I was too, to be fair, but I'm glad we tried. It was the first real time I could take my attention away from this bleak reality. "don't think just walk" only works so well when there's little else to think about.

Right now as I write this, we're getting ready for bed. We've pulled as much grass out of the snow as we could for beds, with hopes that we don't freeze overnight. Umm… so Komaeda suggested that we, uh, sleep sorta close to keep warm while the night passes. It's awkward, yes, but I mean, it is a survival tactic I guess.

Komaeda's currently making a snow ahoge for the snowman. Rude. I'm gonna try to stop him first, then settle down for bed.

Day 81-

The snow is still here but it's like, 50% slush. It's all melting now, and our snow forts and snowman are just clumps of slush at this point. It's a little unfortunate.

I'm just glad I kept the book safe from the water. Sheesh, that could have gone badly.

I woke up with Komaeda hugging me and it's a little weird but it's not his fault because he's asleep. I'm currently writing while still caged by him, as he has yet to wake up still.

...

We've been up and walking for awhile now, and we've uh, come across something odd.

In all the slush we've been moving through, we… we found a pool of blood. It's just sitting there in a circle in the slush, still spreading out, but the red puddle is a good 3 meters across.

Komaeda sees something in it. We decided he'll go in and try to grab it, as he can just wash the blood off with the clean slush once he's out. He's currently awkwardly treading into the pool. I feel bad for him, but I mean, he lost the rock-paper-scissors match we had over it. He must not be a very lucky guy.

He pulled it up and- oh no. Oh no no. It's… it's, fuck…

It's the pendant. The pendant Nanami had found before she…

Anyways, there's no denying it, it's exactly the same, save for being covered in blood… I don't like looking at it, it sends chills up my spine. A lot like the feeling of dread I got from standing near the deep water pool Komaeda disappeared into way back when.

He put it back in the puddle. We don't need it, it'll bring nothing but hurt, and he agreed about the sickening feeling it brought. At least I'm not the only one.

I've been trying to help him wash off the blood. It's really difficult to get out of his pant legs. I don't know if it's going to come out at all. I feel bad for making him go in the puddle now.

The puddle itself is spreading out and diluting now. I do wonder who's blood it is. It couldn't be hers though. No way. It had to be someone else's. But who?

I think it's a good idea to keep walking, and not to come back.


	19. Days 82-89

Day 82-

Snow's gone. All of it. The ground isn't even wet. I wonder why it snowed to begin with. I'd have doubted it even snowed in the first place and I was just hallucinating if Komaeda wasn't there to also witness it. I am glad it happened though.

We just kept walking today. I can't wait to get more blisters. My feet hurt. My everything hurts.

We found the end of the grass again. Komaeda confirms we're still headed Northwards, so we know we're not going in circles. That thing sure is useful.

We kept some grass. I don't know why, just because. I'm storing it in pages in the notebook, and in my pockets. Komaeda grabbed some too. We don't really have a reason to store this gross grass. I feel like… well, to be honest, neither of us would want to admit it, but… I think we did it incase we find someone else… who… well, who needs to eat.

I guess this means it's back to sleeping on the cold stone floor. Sigh. At least it's not cold.

Day 84-

I skipped a day because I couldn't write yesterday. It rained all day, amazingly enough, really heavily. More refreshing than the snow. I wonder where all this weather is coming from. I hope we get to see the sun soon.

We're just relaxing today. We did a little walking but not for longer than an hour at most.

We didn't walk yesterday. I spent the entire duration of the rain storm sheltering the book from water. Komaeda helped too, and I appreciate that, but I wish I could stop caring about this stupid thing. It angers me a little that I'm fine with the only friend I have here getting soaked but not a dumb journal. He said he didn't mind. He seems like he doesn't mind anything I do. He really is the best. I wish I was a better friend to him.

Maybe after this is all over, I can make it up to him.

Day 85-

We didn't do much today. We found a pebble. We've been walking and taking turns kicking it, It's nothing special, it's just a piece of the stone cold ground. When Komaeda woke up he couldn't find his stick. I guess it's gone now.

Day 86-

WHAT THE FUCK JUSWHAT

WHEREISHEHESGONE

KNOMANEDA HESS UUST GONE?!

KOMAEDA'S GONE! I'VE YELLED I'VE RAN I'VE LOOK AROUND FOR HOURS

I DON'T KNOIDON'T KNOW

I DON'T KBOW WHERE HE IS

I GOT MY BOOK

I GOT MY BOOK

IM WRITING TO CALM MY NERVES

I GOT MY BOOK

I GOT MY BOOK

KOMAEDA IS MISSING IT'S ALL I HAVE LEFT

IF I SIT HERE AND CLUTCH IT

MAYBE

MAYBE HE'LL COME BACK

MAYBE HE JUST WANDERED

HE KNOWS WHERE HE WENT

HE HAS A COMPASS

AHAHAAAAGAHAH

HE'LL BE BACK RIGHT

I HAVE MY BOOK

YES

MY BOOK BUT

BUT I NEED

K O

Day 87-

We're very much confused.

Komaeda's here. Like, completely here, and calm as ever.

He believes it's day 86 right now and woke up just like before he fell asleep was the day we lost his stick and found the pebble and all. Like.

Like yesterday, the whole thing with him missing… never happened.

I thought it was a dream, I doubted it but it was a possibility, it seemed all too real, but again it was possible, had to be possible, for what else would explain it? Did he just fall asleep and disappear from existence for a day? It must have been a dream, I thought.

I thought. But y'know… I was gonna write down the details of the "dream"... but it appears I already did, technically speaking.

I remember vividly scrambling down lines in the journal "yesterday", and… they are indeed there. They exist as a testimony of what happened. It wasn't a dream.

Komaeda could easily figure I wrote this before he woke up just to freak him out but he seems to trust me that this happened yesterday. In fact… he just sort of accepted it and looked thoughtful about it.

...hold on.

I just asked Komaeda if any… sort of days existed where I uh, wasn't there myself. Just like what happened to me. I guess he didn't hear me because he didn't answer.

You'd think, hey Hinata, why didn't you just keep asking? I don't know. I got some uncomfortable feeling when I opened my mouth to say it again. I really don't think I should.

Hey, hey, good news though- We still have the pebble! Woo hoo! I dunno. It's something. It takes boredom away when we're walking.

Speaking of walking… ugh. I'm so sick and tired of walking for so, so long. I wish I could walk on my hands, or well, something. Our feet look pretty messed up from all the new blisters and the scabs from previously popped ones.

I don't understand why we're even still walking. I feel like it's what we have to do, and Komaeda agrees, but… why? 87 days hasn't gotten us any closer to leaving this place. I guess there's really not much else to do besides sit, and that's guaranteed to get us nowhere.

Also, it may be just me, but it's pretty warm today. No wind. Kind of nice.

Day 88-

Okay, okay, I spoke too soon. This heat's starting to push it.

Komaeda and I are sweating like livestock. I can only imagine what it's like for him underneath all that bushy hair of his. I hate that there's no shade here. The raw barren state of this place is dreary, but now it's getting is a it much, so we're just sort of sitting about, sweltering.

In spite of the heat, the sky is no clearer, and I can't even see the sun I want to wave my middle fingers at. The sun could be anywhere. Is it even the sun? What if something else is making this heat? I don't think I can hold this theory. Not enough evidence. I'm just making theories because I'm bored. Me and Komaeda aren't doing much more than switching who gets to be in the shade of who, and complaining about the warmth.

Oh- I just remembered now. I had a really weird dream last night. I might as well talk about it since there's not much else to do, and I already told Komaeda.

He said he had a similar dream before, even. But I'll get back to that.

Anyways, I just sort of found myself in a kind of daze. I was in some sort of bed surrounded by these people who all looked the same, clothing-wise. They also looked kinda familiar, and around me and Komaeda's age. I was about half conscious so I couldn't tell much of it. I saw Komaeda in another bed next to me, and we had IV's in our arms, but they were just putting water in our systems, nothing exciting. I had a feeling neither of us were really sick, unconscious or dying, and that we shouldn't be there, so I tried to stand up, but the people got angry. Someone yelled at someone else. They pushed me back down into the bed.

I somehow knew that we hadn't been there for long. Only a couple minutes, really. But someone with a soft voice knocked me back out somehow. They sounded like Nanami but… more masculine? A little? Damn, the details of the dream are slipping from me. I think I tried to stand up one more time and rip my water IV out before I fell back unconscious.

Weird thing too. Right were my IV was in the dream, I have a sort of scar now, that I got overnight. Maybe I just sort of scratched the place on my arm while asleep while I was dreaming of taking it out, but Komaeda has it too. Oh right, Komaeda.

He said he had a dream like it, but it was a long time ago. Maybe like… he guesses around the time before he fell into the pit of water. He had forgotten all about it until I brought this up. He doesn't remember much from it. It *was* awhile ago.

He just remembers being carted into that room on beds like I said, and having a strong feeling of not being supposed to be there. It made him extremely uncomfortable, but when he looked over at me on the moving bed beside him, he felt a rush of panic and began to get up and leave, somehow. But the instant he tried, the dream was over. And that's about it. He didn't have any weird IV scar from that dream.

The exchange of stories almost got my mind off the sweltering heat. God I hope it goes away tomorrow.

Day 89-

It got worse. Oh god it got much worse.

It was painful enough trying to sleep in that heat but now it's blistering out. The rock ground is cooking. I can't lay down or stand up without feeling like I'm melting. Fuck.

The heat's just too much. We're lying on the ground, dying on the superheated stone. I don't want to write too much. It's effort, and I don't want to get my book all sweaty. I'm a goddamn human waterfall. Komaeda took his clothes off except his underwear to try to beat the heat, and I'm just sort of awkwardly turned the other way. It's weird, yes, but not a bad idea really. I don't know how much more I can stand before I lighten my attire too.

...

It's been some hours and I'm just as dead, but I don't seem to be getting any sunburns. I wonder if the heat really is from somewhere else than the sun. I don't know if I'll survive tomorrow if it's just as hot.


	20. Days 90-93

Day 90-

Nope, thank god or whatever religious deity is watching us. It's cooled back down to normal temperature.

Be careful what you wish for. That is definitely not what I wanted when I said I wanted it to sunny. There wasn't any sun so it doesn't even count. Rude.

There is a light breeze going through from the East though. It's carrying an ashy smell with it, like something's on fire. Komaeda's pretty adamant about heading North, but I want to find out what it could be. I've smelt this here before. This is the first real time that Komaeda was reluctant to agree with me, and, while timidly, held the belief that we should be still hiking North. Knowing how… *agreeable* he is, I didn't really expect him to say it's a bad idea. Nonetheless, he was hesitant, but did end up letting our path head East for a bit. Just until we either find out what's that way, or if the ashy burnt smell goes away.

I asked him why he didn't want to go. He paused and said he didn't like the smell of burning, but I feel like there's more to it than that. I'd rather not prod him though.

Day 91-

Nothing's really changed today. The wind and the ash smell it's carrying hasn't gone away. We're walking East today, against the wind. Komaeda's none too pleased, but he likes to act like he isn't bothered. I wonder what else I do that bothers him that he pretends he's fine with…

Day 92-

(The entirety of this page is burnt away from the notebook. The next few pages have scorched edges, but are still legible.)

Day 93-

Walking Eastward sure is a lot more tiring. I wondered why, but I put my pencil down and had to chase after it backward towards which we came, since it rolled away on me. I suppose that means we're on a slant, moving uphill. While the fact that we're on a hill is really interesting, it sure takes a lot out of us walking upwards all the time now. We've had to take several breaks. We're moving a lot slower, but this is something new, so there's no harm in taking our time. Not like we're on some sort of dumb wasteland schedule.

We're on a break now, but there's something in the distance further East I think. It just looks like a thin blurry black line, it might not even be there. Komaeda thinks it might be another person, so maybe we should continue soon. It doesn't seem to be moving. We're off in another few minutes.

...

Well set my hair on fire and fuck me senseless with it.

It's a motherfucking tree! A TREE!

I wanna think I'm hallucinating something terrible but I'm literally sitting on a real-life branch, with real-life leaves in my face, and real-life splinters all over my ass. Holy shit.

So we were having a little fun and pulling the guessing game while we walked. We thought it was a person maybe, or some big lamp or something. I dunno. We were pretty shocked out of our skin to see a full-grown and developed oak tree.

It's a pretty big tree with sturdy branches, definitely easy to climb around. This is the best thing I've seen in this entire stupid adventure, I would have never expected this. And get this- There's a swing on it?! A swing?! Someone built a whole swing attached to a branch! Someone else was guaranteed here and built this, somehow! The roots are pretty well-embedded in the solid stone, (don't known how it seems to be flourishing and growing well in the stone either…) so there's no way this tree was moved here. Also this seems to be the top of the hill, amazingly enough. I told Komaeda this uphill hike would be worth it.

Oh yeah, Komaeda. He, well… he doesn't like the tree very much. He gets bad vibes from it I guess? I don't really get it. It's the most beautiful thing my eyes have seen in so long. The vibrant green of the jade leaves almost hurt my eyes after so much grey. It makes my eyes water. Who'd have thought just some tree could be so incredible.

Komaeda doesn't mind it so much now, that or he's pretending not to care about the "bad vibes". He's on the rustic old swing, which creaks something awful. It's not much more than a chunk of poorly cut wood tied carefully to a branch with old, dirty rope, but it sure is cute.

Good god, the wood feel amazing beyond belief. Sure it's ridden with splinters that I've been nipping at now and then, but it's not solid hard and cold like the stone earth. Sure will feel good to sleep in a branch tonight. Maybe I'll get cozy with some leaves.

Huh- I just sorta realized, the pencil stick wood looks a lot like the wood from this tree. Kind of peculiar. Maybe I'm just imagining things. After all, the tree bark is coated with splinters like it's some sort of porcupine, and the pencil is rather smooth. Still, it's got the same look to it.

Sheesh, I'm just excited to be able to run and climb like a kid again. There's some real quality branches about the find of the century, this tree. Besides finding Komaeda the first this, I never felt this excited in all the time I've been here, or, even though I don't remember anything prior to this, I'm willing to say I never felt this excited in my life. Komaeda insists I'm gonna waste all my energy like this, and it's probably true, so maybe I'll get to assembling my little tree bed for the night. More to come, with hope!


	21. Days 94-95

Day 94-

Tree's still here, guess we're not losing our minds. Well, not in a hallucinating way. Yet.

Komaeda slept on the ground as usual. I don't know why he won't sleep in the tree. It's definitely not a five-star hotel but it feels at least a little better than the ground. At least I convinced him to gather some leaves to make a bed on the earth.

I've got some leaves and sort of rubbed them on my arm I guess? It's a trick I think I learned somewhere in grade school or something that helps tell if a plant is poisonous. If I recall, if you get a rash then you shouldn't trust the plant, and shouldn't try eating from it. It doesn't seem to be rashing up, and that was several hours ago. I guess Nanami could have eaten these leaves if she was here… Nanami… er- anyhow.

This is assuming this method even works, it's probably just some dumb fake story they tell little kids. Maybe oak tree leaves are super poisonous. I don't know anything about oaks. And that's based on the assumption that this is an oak tree in the first place. Sometimes here I have to make blatant assumptions here or there or else I'll start wondering if it's even a plant. Regardless, there's no real reason why I did it besides curiosity. Not like I'm gonna start snacking on leaves when I don't need to eat (Especially considering the taste of grass, eeew). I guess I just feel like risking getting a rash up my arm. Doesn't that sound riveting. I sure know how to have fun around here.

I like the swing a lot, it's sturdier than it appears, even if it sounds like nails on a chalkboard when it moves. I have to warn Komaeda if I try to use it, so he knows to cover his ears. As janky as the thing is… it's pretty elaborate. I've got to wonder who built it. We haven't seen any manmade structures out here until now. It's proof that not only is there someone else out here somewhere, but someone conscious and capable of building. Everyone I know of was unconscious initially, so it couldn't have been one of us. Unless Nanami… was she awake before we found her…? I don't think it could have been her. She didn't mention anything like this place. Plus, I don't think she could have built this, where would she get the supplies? On top of that, she didn't seem like one to have the strength to build something like this. Maybe it's just that I'm used to seeing her in her weakest time… oh, god Nanami. I'm so fucking sorry…

Er. Right. Can't… can't bring myself down with these thoughts again. Gotta think logically here, not emotionally. Anyways… there's also no reason for her to waste strength in such an unnecessary way like building a swing. Also, it would make no sense for her to leave a place like this, if she could eat leaves. There's no promise of food anywhere else. With all things considered, there's no real reason to assume it was her, or any of us. There's got to be more people out here. Not just because of my logic but… also because I hope, I so, so desperately hope it's true. That's not exactly a reason why it has to be true, but… oh, it's hard to explain. Fuck it.

Day 95-

Komaeda's not awake yet. I've been quietly grabbing leaves while he's out. Since I know the leaves aren't harmful to touch, I've been covering him in a whole swack of them as a sort of prank. What the prank is supposed to do exactly… well I don't know. It sounded like a good idea in my head, and I'm too far along to stop. Even if it is kinda dumb. I've never been good at pranks. Just not my cup of tea, but at least something kinda stupid like this brightens my mood a tad.

...

Well I fucked up.

That went terribly. Komaeda woke up with his face covered in leaves, seeing nothing but blackness and being covered in leaves… yeah, he told me he thought he was dead and there was dirt and maggots covering him. The… the poor guy… he started tearing up. Shit… I didn't think this would happen. Talk about worst case scenario…

Of course being the guy he is, he forgave me… but now he's putting all the more emphasis on not being near the tree. He wants to go back, or at least head North again. I mean, I kind of owe him a favor now after pulling that on him, but… I'd like to at least know why he wants to go. It's unlikely we'll find another tree ever again here. I at least want to appreciate it for a few days. I can feel reluctance and disgust dig in my throat at the thought of walking through grey, grey and more grey again, as we've been doing for far too many days now. I'm sure he's sick of it all too, so it's kind of confusing why he'd want to leave something like this so soon.

Maybe he's just curious if there's any more structures or things nearby, which is understandable, who knows really. I personally think the real reason he- don't blame him when- to be honest- scared of the concept of- he doesn't- I probably-

(the rest of the page has been burnt and smeared with ash)


	22. Days 96-99

Day 96-

HOLY MOTHER FUCKING HELL

Fuck.

FUCK.

I can't fucking believe it.

Holy shit.

We're safe… we're safe… it's okay… it's going to be okay, right?

It's okay now… holy fucking hell…

The tree… I have no idea what happened… I'm gonna take a second to catch my mind up to reality first…

Okay… so… so I was sleeping in a branch while Komaeda, still wary about the tree (And for good reason, fuck he was right…), slept on the ground again… shit…

So… so I was feeling really uncomfortably warm but I just sort of ignored it… then I woke up to find the branch moving… moving and leaning on me… I grabbed it and sat up to realize it… it was the whole tree. I turned around and- God. What a horrible sight. I'll never forget the image of being face to face with… a sudden, relentless, ravaging blaze. Fire. Fucking fire everywhere. EVERYWHERE! It shot an arrow of fear so powerfully into my neck I toppled and fell off the branch. The whole tree was going down. Branches and fragile leaves shook and crackled under the ongoing flame of destruction, and the whole huge, powerful sturdy tree was torn to the ground like a noble king with a blade in his back.

There… there was a sickening crack and embers flew everywhere, scorching little burns into my arms when I blocked my face from the heat. The flakes of fire burned like hell, but through the horror and fear that shattered my essentially emotional mindset wide open like a gaping wound, one thought broke it's way through the chaos. Only one emotion dethroned my fear of my safety, and that was… the fear of Komaeda's safety. Never have I felt so cold and brimmed with icy dread while standing in front of blistering heat as when I realized he was unaccounted for.

I shouted for him.

I yelled until my mouth and throat ached.

I ran around the burning mass.

I pushed myself until my legs gave in and I tripped, landing hard down on the stone earth.

Until I realized my worst fears, and saw a limp, weak and smoky mass beneath the hunk of flaming wood. Of course the tree had to topple and crash down directly on top of him. Of fucking course…

I ran and yelled towards him, but there wasn't much I could do given the situation. I just really remember it as flashes. The tree's massive trunk was over a meter in diameter, how could I ever have the strength to push it off of him? Thank hell and earth there was a groove in the tree, so it didn't entirely crush him in one blow, but only trap him, leaving him caught to be devoured by the roaring flames ahead, with flickers of fire crawling towards him like tarantulas.

Like I said, I don't recall much in the way of details. Just some images of scrambling to grab stray branches and trying to wedge them in the flaming cracks in the trunk, desperately working to break the massive oak apart, rinse and repeat when the branch snapped. At first I was wary about approaching the flames, but eventually I caved and just let it eat at my arms and legs while I struggled to knock the trunk into pieces and free the only friend I have. No way in hell was I going to lose him too.

Splinters and burns here, itchiness and pain there. He was unconscious, and I feared for the worst, but when I dragged him out of the mess of it all, through all the ash and smoke, he was still breathing softly. The relief was overwhelming, good god. I've sort of been making account of our burns, and tending to the worst ones by ripping my shirt into makeshift bandages. Maybe you shouldn't bandage burns, fuck if I know. I'm just doing what I think I should do given my lack of knowledge and experience.

A huge burn runs it's way down the entire length of my right arm. Which is extra shitty considering that's my writing hand. It covers the outside of my forearm and wraps around my wrist. It's starting to blister already and itches like hell on earth, but if I even barely touch it, it stings like I'm pushing superheated needles into it. My back and the right of my face didn't fare too well either, but my forearm bore the heat the worst. A few layers of skin are gone, and there's little more than a blistering bloody mess near my shoulder. If I keep my arm still enough, though… then I can write without too much pain. A lot of my hair burnt away as well, but I really don't care that much.

Komaeda suffered a lot more than I did, he didn't have any warning to escape the crush of the ravaged tree trunk. A huge, nasty looking scar rips across his calf, torn open by a sharp branch. The flames took a number to the already fragile exposed flesh, and even deep muscle is burned. It's sickening to look at, and I can't even begin to imagine how much pain he'd be in, had he be awake. I didn't notice it right away but I also believe his arm is broken too. Other than huge bruises and additional burns here and there, and ashy burnt hair like mine, there's little left besides the occasional scrape and scar.

We're still here. I have him laying in front of me while we're a good few dozen meters away from the blaze, but it's still roaring like a volcano.

I hate to look at it. I hate to even believe it. The tree was so full of life, so well-stuffed with fresh jade leaves. The wood wasn't remotely dead or dry, so how could this have even happened? How could any of this have happened?! I'm so sick and tired of this fucking wasteland's tricks. It's always the same, it gives us something to hold onto, something to offer hope, then tears it away like a bandage, ripping open slightly healed wounds and letting them bleed out, again and again. Why do I even still fall for it? Komaeda knew better, I should have listened to him when he said he didn't trust it. Komaeda knows the wasteland's never ending stream of emotionally slaughtering bullshit better than I do. He's caught on. Why do I still let myself fall victim to this?

Well… when I think about it… I guess that goes to show how desperate I am to cling to anything that lures me in with a promise of hope. I guess I really am that close to the edge of losing it.

Er- regardless. I shouldn't think. I'm doing it again. I almost forgot that dumb little saying I had. Don't think. Just walk. That's what it was.

That's what I'm going to do. My legs aren't nearly as bad as Komaeda's, and I don't really want to sit here near the bonfire waiting for him to wake up. The smoke and stench of death and burning is too much. I'm going to try to pick him up onto my back and head out of here. Good thing I remember where we came from, so I can tell which way is North. I would, of course, welcome assurance of that, but I wouldn't dare touch his compass while he's unconscious. It just seems like a terrible thing to do. It's his treasure after all. I guess I gotta just hope we're going the right way.

I guess… I guess I'm off for now then…

Holy fuck…

...

We're quite a ways away now. I lowered Komaeda gently on the floor, cautious of his broken arm and torn calf. It's hard to carry him on my back, not because he's heavy, which he certainly isn't, but just the contact on my burns and blisters stings like wasps. It's hard to keep on going with that factor weighing me down. There's only so far I can get. We're now significantly downhill from the tree, and I can still see the light of the fire from down here, and even more distinctly the tower of smoke and ash spewing from the mass. It's still so much to take in, and even now I can't believe it. I hate being denied the reason for all of the things that happen here. Even if it doesn't change anything, even if it doesn't make Komaeda's arm any less broken, how it would feel to at least *know* how it happened.

Good fucking hell on Earth. I need a rest.

Day 97-

He's up. He woke me up.

I had to recap everything for him, he barely remembers it all. Just looking up to see a blazing tower crash down onto him. He didn't even have a chance to react when it happened, nevermind save himself.

He's in a lot of pain, like I thought he would be of course. He can't really move his leg. It's still bleeding heavily. I helped him tear a piece of his shirt off to make a makeshift sling for his broken arm. My burnt arm felt like the fires of hell trying to do it, but it's nothing compared to his injuries. The poor guy, he looks like a helpless little bird with broken wings.

Komaeda sure reacts a lot different than one would think. There wasn't any "I told you so" when it comes to the tree being dangerous, not that I expected he'd be the kind of guy to rub something in someone else's face. That being said, the whole incident sure shocked him in the moment, yes, but it didn't seem to… I dunno, take him by surprise, I guess? Like he sort of expected the worst case scenario out of it? He saw his injuries and my notes of them, and didn't really seem depressed or upset, in fact… he even laughed a little, a light, sad laugh, and made a quiet comment of expecting as much out of his luck.

Now that I think about it, when you look past his surface optimism towards other people, he kind of… always seems to expect the worst case scenario. Like he tries to get me hopeful and determined to proceed in what we have to do, but… doesn't have any hope himself. Maybe if it's not too intrusive of me, I think I'll ask him about it later, and what he really feels about our situation. He doesn't owe me anything, so if he doesn't want to talk about it, that's completely okay.

The fire's still going way up on the hill. The slope looks a lot more obvious here than the way we walked up, so it even looks like a hill. The tree's mass doesn't seem to be getting any smaller, despite all the smoke and ash pouring from the inferno. Maybe it's just a trick of the eye, but the wood doesn't seem to be getting burnt at all. It's hard to tell from this distance of course, but the fire's still as lively as when I dragged us away from it. I don't even know if it'll ever go out.

Komaeda also wants to keep moving. Which is ridiculous of course considering his condition. It took so long for me to convince him just to keep his leg still while I hold the cloth against it's bleeding gash. Of course it soaks through, and the thought and feeling of having Komaeda's, or really just the feeling of having another person's blood on me makes me feel sick to the core. I've had to struggle not to vomit a few times. I want it off my hands so, so incredibly badly. I don't know why it's so bad, but I think he noticed because he insisted on cleaning the wound himself with his good arm. I still have some dried blood on my arm and it's terrible. It's getting on my pencil. Damn I wish there was more water in this place to wash with.

No matter what Komaeda says, for his safety, we rest here for today.

...

I've never seen Komaeda so persistent that we leave. We're pretty far from the smoldering tree, which still isn't getting any smaller, but he really doesn't like looking at it. I've pretty much numbed out his objections and insistence on walking, but I did want to make him feel better, so he's piggybacking on me, even though he objects to it. There's no way he's walking with that leg and arm.

We're headed further North. It's a lot less painful to hold Komaeda on my back when he's conscious, because he willfully avoids touching my burns and scrapes, and puts most of his weight on my less injured arm. Even so, I could do without all the complaining that "oo~ooh, Hinata-kun shouldn't have to carry me" and "aa~aah, I can walk, Hinata-kun's injured too". I appreciated the kind concerns at first, even though I'm probably better off than I look, but now it's a bit much...

I owe Komaeda a lot more than this for his concern with the tree. I should have trusted his discomfort.

Day 98-

Something's weird. The burns are… a lot less, well, there. I don't really know how else to put it. We woke up with some sort of film on them, like someone put some sort of oil on our burns. Unless it's pus or something, ew. We haven't really touched them. They don't really hurt for me unless I touch or move the burnt skin, which of course, I accidentally do a lot, especially while I'm walking. Komaeda reports his burn still hurts though, regardless of the oil or whatever it is. To be fair, it is quite the larger burn. Still, for the both of us, although I don't know all that much about burns, they're a lot more healed than you'd think would be natural after only one night or so. That isn't to say we're complaining or anything.

As far as Komaeda's broken arm goes, well, that's a different story entirely, it doesn't look anywhere different than before. I guess we just have to accept that not everything acts weird in this universe, even though sometimes it seems that way. Regardless, the burns aren't completely gone, which is why I have Komaeda on my back again today.

What I would do for some music here. We've been talking about music, but when I think about my favorite songs, my mind erases itself over. I can't really seem to bring any music I know to light, actually. I know they're there, but it's like I'm trying to dive deeper through my mind to find the information, but I can't swim deep enough to grasp the knowledge without having to desperately surface for air.

Komaeda on the other hand knows a good deal of music still, but it's kind of useless when I don't remember anything. I can't tell if I can recognize the names he lists off or not.

Then he started humming a little bit. I think I recognize what he's humming, but whether I do or not, I still like it. I asked him to keep humming while I walk. And so, I've been walking. And he's been humming. It's rather nice.

Day 99-

So that's kind of interesting. We've just been doing more standard walking, but we've come across changes in the landscape that we haven't seen before.

The ground, in seemingly random places, sort of dips down in a semi spherical hole now and then. It's like a meteor crater, except it doesn't rise at any point and are completely smooth and round. I've almost tripped walking into the smaller ones. It's weird, these things are everywhere, and at really strange sizes, like a couple meters wide to a few centimeters. It's really odd… I suppose it's not really all that amazing, nor does it change our situation in the slightest, but I gotta write down everything different and new, don't I? I've been doing it since day 1, why question what I record now?

Now we've been lying in some bigger ones. Sure the edges bite into your neck, but it sure is nice to have something prop up your back. The ground's really smooth in them too, making it feel real nice.

Burns are still going away at a pretty rapid pace. Woke up with more oily stuff on them again.

We can still see the smoke from the tree from here. It's a huge steady stream of ash, even if we can't see the tree anymore. I wonder if it'll ever stop.

...

I swear I'm gonna break my ankle on these holes. Are they getting more frequent?

...

So, I'm dumb. I'm really dumb. I don't know how I was stupid enough to not know where I was walking, but I ended up somehow misstepping and throwing the both of us into a crash down into an enormous crater. Like, a huge one. It's probably a hundred meters or so in diameter. That being said, it's about 50 meters deep, so we slid down quite the trip. I accidentally crushed Komaeda on the way down too. We're still in the pit. Now… now I have no idea how we're gonna get out.

This is a hole like we haven't seen at all yet. It gets way too steep to just run and charge up. Unlike the other ones, it seems to have smooth sides too, so if I get a running start and try to grip the edge, my hand has nothing to grasp and I just fall back down.

Whelp. Is this the end of our trip now? Are we doomed to never escape? What an anticlimactic end. Just stuck in a pit for the rest of my shitty purgatory. A hundred heroic days of hope and struggle just to wind up in a death hole. Just fucking perfect. Can I sign up twice?

Komaeda, being Komaeda, is still trying to get my hopes up as usual, and as much as I appreciate it, it's not really working. This is kind of a trashy place to be so he has to grasp at straws a little bit, claiming "oooh maybe the edges are smoothed down because someone's using this hole to trap animals, and when they see us they'll help us out!" Yeah sure, Komaeda. I'm sure the totally existent hunters trying to get totally existent animals that, even if they did exist, are totally dumb enough to get trapped in their own living environment, will help us. I offered they might be cannibals instead and may be elated to see us for a different reason. That made him kind of sad, and I feel bad for trashing his attempts to be optimistic. But we have to face reality here.

And maybe reality… is that we're spending the rest of our existence in a hole.

Well this is just fantastic.

...

So it's been a few hours. We're still not out of the pit. Or even close. The edge of the pit is a solid 90 degree angle, and here we are sliding down and losing traction at any point over what I assume is about 45 degrees.

We've tried everything. Even stupid things like running around in a spiral hoping at a certain speed we'll end up higher, but the bruises I've gotten from falling on my side like an idiot in my attempts prove it's not so simple.

Komaeda gave up efforts long before I did, in fact, I only just gave up right before I started writing this again. Komaeda' been off for the last hour, just sort of sitting down and sliding his compass up the rampside, and catching it as it slid back down. It's so very exciting, I'm sure anyone can imagine.

I know this seems entirely pointless to write down, and sure tells a lot about our path to safety, like, oh boy, our epic adventure wouldn't make any sense if it wasn't for that little insert about Komaeda boredly twiddling with his compass. But what else am I to do? What else do I have to write about? We're in a hole!

I dunno. I dunno. I'm gonna try to get some sleep I guess. There's nothing else to do but sit to myself and think. I hate thinking. Don't think just walk, sure. How can I avoid thinking if I can't walk? Or do anything else?


	23. Day 100

Day 100-

Well would you look at that, right up at the top of the page. Here we are. One, zero zero. I'd never have thought I'd get to 100 days, and well, to be honest, more than anything I was *hoping* I'd never get to 100 days.

I told Komaeda about what day it was, and he even wanted to celebrate somehow. We already made it my supposed birthday 51 days ago or whatever. We decided 100 was his birthday. Even though he hasn't been around this place for 100 days himself, he was still pretty happy to accept it.

That being said, we didn't really do much besides acknowledge it, which yes, sucks, but we're no more outside this crater than we were yesterday. We decided to spend the time in Purgatory Pit today doing things Komaeda wanted to do. That didn't amount to much of course, being pretty much limited in our options here. But, eventually, we found ways to pass the time anyhow, his way.

I showed him a bunch of childish hand-clapping games that I remember from my childhood (err, that Komaeda could do with one hand due to his other being in his sling still…), which was incredibly silly of course, but he requested it and seemed to enjoy it, which is really all that matters. It's not so embarrassing and silly if he's having fun. I admit I had a lot of fun too, especially seeing how happy he was from the games. Sometimes I swear he's actually eight years old, haha.

Childhood seems to be the theme here. We also played tag, which wasn't easy in our small limited space, but it was still fun. Then we got tired out and sort of lay around while I told him stories I made up. They weren't very good and got less creative as they went on, but he liked them apparently.

Maybe he likes these sort of things because he really liked his childhood or something… or maybe he never really had one at all…?

This… is weird. It's getting… dark?

We can't see the sun of course through the clouds, but the clouds still seem… orange-like? Not unlike a sunset… it's a little weird.

This is incredible… the clouds moved away as it got darker! We can see the stars! And they're everywhere! It's amazing!

I can't identify any constellations, which is weird, I usually can… almost like it's not the usual night sky I'm used to. Which makes no sense of course, but…

But we've been working together to make up our own constellations, heh.

It's beyond words. I've never seen something so beautiful in a hundred days. Is there a reason this happens to line up to the hundredth day? There's no way my recordings have been accurate. I messed up a few times, that I know. I simply can't believe it's actually been 100 days on the dot, that's impossible. But the coincidence lines up pretty impressively. Man, hah, why does Komaeda get the cool stuff on *his* pretend birthday?

Oh yeah, Komaeda admitted something to me today. He told me since the beginning he's been scared it's his fault we're here. I asked him how that would be, but all he said is something about his "bad luck" playing a big role. I don't hold him accountable of course, because that makes no sense, and I don't really believe in luck all that much myself. But I feel like he knows more about it than I do.

It's been hours, it's hard to even write right now, I just want to lose myself in the deepness of the night sky. The implications are heavy, like for instance, it's only night now, does that mean we've only been here for one day this whole time? On most occasions, things like this would easily break into my mentality and swamp my mind, but now I just want to focus on lying back and looking at the stars.

My recordings are important, I know, but… but I want to enjoy this right now. I want to have fun with my friend.

Komaeda told me he saw a shooting star, and he might be messing with me...

But… but if he isn't...

I don't want to miss the next one.

So that's it for today, okay?

Happy 100 days...


	24. Days 101-103

Day 101-

Well, the night's over. It's back to the same grey old sky.

I cried in my sleep again. It's been awhile since that happened.

We've been sitting around in Purgatory Pit doing whatever comes to mind. Truth or dare, which just turned into Truth or Truth since there isn't much to dare about. Then Would-You-Rather Questions, then Would-You-Hate-Me-If-I questions and the like. Not too exciting since Komaeda doesn't seem like much of a hateful person, and didn't really say yes, that he would hate me, to any of my dumb make-believe scenarios.

Something was odd though. I decided to prod the line and ask if he's hate me if I blamed him for Nanami's death. He gave this befuddled, almost offended look, as if I actually did blame him. I guess I overstepped my bounds and shouldn't have brought the topic up. Thinking back on it, that was kind of stupid of me. What was I thinking, making a game out of that? I'm a real piece of shit, and feel bad for it now.

He said it was okay, but that was around 10 minutes ago, and he hasn't said anything since. It's been awkward…

The hell is wrong with me, bringing up something like that… fuck…

...

The sky doesn't seem to be getting any darker, unlike last night. I don't know if it'll become night again…

...

Uhh. So that was weird, and unexpected. Suddenly while Komaeda and I were just lying around (I think he was having a nap, actually, now that I think about it), a barrage of water came flooding in from all directions of the pit. I think I'm exaggerating, actually… I said a barrage, but it was more like just a little stream, but it was from all different ways, strangely enough. It smacked Komaeda in the face while he was sleeping, and he woke with a bit of a shock, sort of tumbling over down the slope, which I admit, since he didn't get hurt in the process at least, was honestly a little funny.

It stopped just as suddenly as it came, and only poured for a few seconds. Now we're here with some awkward little dusty pond in the center of the pit. Naturally, I did the essential experimentation, and I can say with a clear confidence that the water indeed tastes fucking disgusting. Tastes like chalk, dust, dirt and corpses. Maybe it's not that bad, and I don't really know what corpses taste like, but the image comes to mind when I try to taste it. It's not salt water, but I still feel pretty sick to my stomach, in a sense, from drinking it. Even if I only tried a little sip.

The pool's only a foot deep or so at most. It's pretty clear, but has a dull brownish look to it. Komaeda doesn't like it. He says it reminds him of the water pit he fell in way back when. I don't really blame him.

And… I guess that's that. Just suddenly a flat of water after like 70 or whatever days of none- oh, unless you count the rain. Nevermind.

...

Day's still not getting any darker. I guess it's about time to give up on the prospect of another night. What's also weird is that the water pool is getting a lot colder, in spite of the air temperature being no different. Also, the small streams where the water came in aren't drying up. Little wet lines remain where it had poured in. I guess they're more "damp" than "wet", as wet implies there's still water running down them. I'm just surprised it hasn't dried up for whatever reason.

Day 102-

It never ended up getting darker. Guess we're back to normal. Also: Cried in my sleep again, in case that's relevant.

The water level didn't change. It's kind of inconvenient since it takes up most of the flatter area, and we have to sleep on a more inclined angle than before. Additionally, the water smells kind of weird. It smells like the chalky, dusty sort of smell from a construction zone, that mixed with the clean smell of a hospital.

Not much going on today. Komaeda's still sort of keeping quiet to himself. I wonder why that is… is it because of what I said earlier still?

...

More water poured in again. Along the exact same dampened lines the last influx of water followed, actually. That's definitely interesting.

If I recall, the entire area outside of here seemed pretty flat, sans the other holes. Where could this water possibly be coming from?

Now we're scooted a lot further up the ramped edges of the bowl. It's really annoying, but it's that or we get wet. Which, in turn, wouldn't be much of a big deal really, now that I think about it, but I think then we'd be really cold.

And, I kept the most interesting thing for last- there wasn't just water that flowed inwards over the ledge… in with the water came a fish! What the hell? There's a damn fish swimming around in the little bottom pool now! Hahah! A little dull, pale fish! I shouldn't say little, it's like the size of maybe my fist and a half. It's a silly looking thing, and we had a little laugh at the ridiculousness of the whole thing. And rightly so, this is hilarious! A fish of all things!

I've been watching it, it's just sort of swimming in circles, like it's unsure how it got in this little bowl. I've actually tried to catch it too, but didn't put too much effort into doing so, because I didn't succeed. It's a fast, slippery little thing when it wants to be. Plus, I don't want to take it out of water and have it die or anything. Komaeda's sort of staring at it with a relaxed smile, probably just as amused at the concept of the thing as I am.

I mean- hey, I could catch it if really wanted to, okay? I just don't want to get all soaked… I'm sure I could get in the water and corner it easily! Plus, the water kind of hurts my burns too!

I named the fish Nagito because it's so pale. Komaeda gave me this look.

Day 103-

I was woken up by being splashed in the face. How lovely is that. Thank god the book didn't get that wet.

More water, and much more this time. It essentially doubled what the past two days had poured in.

It hit like a torrent, and I almost fell in the pond. It almost seemed like this water was poured directly on me from the sky, like someone with a large bucket and a large hatred for sleeping people decided I'd had enough time comfortable and dry. It's probably just my imagination though. Komaeda didn't seem to laugh as much as I had assumed he would. Maybe he's just having a bad morning.

Nagito (The fish) is still alive and well, a lot more lively due to the recent influx of water for him. Good for him, I guess, it's definitely not doing up a hell of a lot of favors. It's hard to sit in this bowl without accidentally slipping our feet in, since our dry room is getting pretty narrow. It's not too hard to get a grip on the walls, but Komaeda's been having trouble due to only having one functional arm to really keep himself out of the water. He really doesn't want to touch it, he says that the water makes him even more upset now that there's more, and it's harder to escape it. Is it my imagination or is he liking a lot less stuff recently? Well, he sure had the right idea about the tree, so I might as well trust him with this one too. Still, it doesn't leave many options to evade the water. I feel if any more floods over and pours in, we might have no choice but to get our feet wet, literally.

I don't really look forward to having my burns stung by the dusty water anyways… but the way it looks like it, I really doubt it'll be much longer till more piles in. But hey… if this keeps up, maybe the water could be our ticket out of Purgatory Pit.

Oh yeah, I mentioned the burns, and I wanted to talk about that. While I can't say much along the lines about Komaeda's arm, the burns are healing at an extremely fast rate, there's no way this rate is possible. I'm no expert, but I've gotten some bad burns on a camping trip in the past, and they were nowhere even close to this severe, and yet, didn't heal nearly to this speed. It's kind of confusing, but at the same time there's no reason for complaining; hey, I'll take it. It seems as though everything in this world is moving at a strangely fast rate, like our burns healing, or a weirdly slow rate, like water takes to dry up. I hope time's moving slower or something, so when we find our way out of this nightmare and finally get back to the real world, we didn't end up missing much.

So my arm is just pretty much patchy and red, and while it does hurt if I touch it, or of course, get it wet, it doesn't really sting for the most part. The same goes for Komaeda's bigger burns. His leg is healing up nicely, and he says it doesn't hurt so long as he doesn't put too much pressure on it. My guess is he could walk, or at least limp, on his own now, which is really cool… but naturally, that being said, it doesn't make a whole lot of a difference when we're not doing much walking while we're still stuck in this hole.

...

More water. We both managed to avoid being splashed this time if it makes any difference. It's only been about an hour, or maybe forty five minutes since I last wrote, so it was a little bit of an unanticipated event. I wish I could lift myself up to overlook the edge to see where this water could possibly be coming from. Or, of course, enough to get out would be nice too. It's difficult to keep out of the water now; my shoes are soaked. Also, Nagito keeps coming over and biting at my feet. Just small nibbles, but it hurt at one point. Err… I guess again I should emphasize that this is the fish I'm talking about.

Time for bed soon. It'll be a miracle if I don't wake up underwater.


	25. Days 104-105

_A/N: Post-secondary's very much against giving me time to write and work on this, but don't think it's over if it takes me awhile to update! Like Hinata, Wasteland will persevere!_

Day 104-

Whelp, that was that. I woke up with about half of me submerged. That's not surprising in the slightest. I guess then the water's getting a little more sneaky about pouring itself into Purgatory Pit.

My back hurts a lot, and not in an aching sense, but more like it's been damaged or something. I showed Komaeda and he says it looks covered in big red dot-like splotches. Some spots even look ripped at, and were bleeding (an abnormal amount of blood for a small wound, of course, as observed before).

It doesn't look like it got burned by acid or anything, so I don't think the water's a low ph or something like that. It's only around the one specific spot. Besides, if the water was like that, I doubt the fish would be alive.

Oh yeah, the fish, Nagito… it was near my backside when I woke up. Did it do this? Is it actually carnivorous or something? I hope it wasn't trying to tear open my back and eat it. That'd be pretty rude of it.

Regardless, the fish is leaving me alone now that I'm moving about. The damage doesn't seem to be getting worse now either. At least I have this water to wash the wounds with. Fuck, it sure does sting like hell though.

Since wounds bleed a ton more than they probably should here, I'm getting a fair amount of blood in the water. Not enough to change the water's color or anything, of course, now that'd be too much. I'd probably be passed out if it was that much. I admit though that looking at it pour it's way in and swirl it's bitter bright redness into the water until it disappears makes me a bit light-headed.

The fish likes to swim around the area where my blood mixes into the water. It… gives me anxiety to watch.

I wish I was as good as Komaeda is at sticking to the walls and avoiding the pool. I don't like touching it.

...

It didn't last for long. With the next coming influx of water, Komaeda got washed in this time. I'd estimate that if I stood in the dead center of the pool, It'd be up to the bottom of my ribs. The fish is leaving him alone though, probably because he's not bleeding. The fish… it relishes in blood. I've stopped calling the thing after Komaeda' first name, because…well, it was a cutesy idea at first just to poke fun at Komaeda, but now... the animal kind of gives me the creeps, in all honesty.

...

I tried to keep my back out of the water, and just awkwardly rubbed the blood coming from it onto the walls instead of letting it seep into the pond, to see what the fish would do. In response it did try biting me. I guess we found the culprit after all. It was pretty persistent, but I managed to kick it square in the face, and it backed off. It's trying to get a nibble at Komaeda's flesh now. The past hour has just been us watching the thing and keeping it away from gnawing into us. I've been dotting it on the nose with my pencil, but Komaeda, on the opposite end of the bowl, hasn't had such luck.

It's difficult enough for him to avoid floundering foot-first into the entire pool now that he's soaked and can't cling to the edge as easily. On top of that, with his injured arm, he can barely deter the fish. It's been getting tiring, but the animal doesn't seem to be losing any energy in spite of us knocking it back.

And yet the water's still so cold…

...

Water's getting more frequent. Definitely not giving us many more options for avoiding the stupid fish. It's getting more open "ground" and trying to get around us. Komaeda's almost got just as many bites on his feet as my back now.

Stupid fish. I've tried to catch it, or stab it with the other side of my pencil or something, but it's one slippery motherfucker. Plus, I'm not too keen on the aspect of getting into the pond and getting my whole lower torso and down soaked. I don't think it's very smart to fight the fish in it's own environment anyways. Maybe I could have caught it when the water was much lower, but I don't think it's possible now. Komaeda and I combined have enough bites on our feet now, and the last thing we need is more.

...

More water is coming in. It's not pouring at a fast rate, but it doesn't appear to be stopping at all this time. Maybe it'll just keep going.

On top of more water, more bites. The stupid thing got a good chomp out of Komaeda's leg. There's a lot of blood pouring down into the pool, swirling and fading again. He doesn't watch the fish swim and twirl around in the bloody part of the water, like it's doing some victory dance to mock us or something, and I don't blame him: I hate it just as much.

...

Huge amount torrented in all at once, filled up almost a whole foot more. We're essentially swamped now. No more hope in staying mostly dry. Plus, it's impossible to get the fish away from us, because Komaeda has only one usable hand, and one of mine I have to keep dry to hold the book away from the watery depths.

Now if I had been given a waterproof book, that'd be fantastic. I'd smack that fish with it, even! Heh! But, beggars can't be choosers. At least Komaeda's got a compass, and while I'm not sure if water can get into it, I'm sure it's doing fine. He got it after falling/drowning(?) in a water pit, after all.

The water's a bit too much to bear, but the fish seems to avoid spots that aren't direct flesh, so we've made an effort to cover our submerged skin with clothing the best we could. The stupid fish might figure it out soon though, but it at least keeps the cursed thing away from us for the time being.

...

I don't think I can write in the book anymore for now, the water's gotten really high…!

It keeps pouring in. It's pouring faster, and faster now.

I've got to focus on keeping it dry for now, sorry-! And that stupid fucking fish chewing up my uncovered arms...

Too much water. Can't write further.

...

Day 105-

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

Everything hurts, that stupid fucking fish.

Alright so… so this is what happened. I just focused on keeping my book out of the water. I dropped my pencil in at some point where the water was halfway up my chest. I gave Komaeda my book, I hated it, but I had to. I realized the pencil's just as important as the book, which makes sense, really. In truth, I sort of threw the book at him, which in hindsight could have turned out terribly. But he seemed to know what to do when my pencil fell.

I dove under the water when I saw the book secured in his hands. I thought it'd be quick, and easy. I thought just one quick dash under and back up with the pencil would be nothing. Clearly I underestimated that fucking sea monster. It must like face meat because that fish went crazier than before. It already was chewing the hell out of our arms, but despite blood already being in the water, it went rabid when my face hit the water. I felt like it wanted to rip my eyes out, and wouldn't stop thrashing about, tearing at my cheeks, my lips, my nose and eyes. The new wounds stung with a fresh and new sensation of pain, much unlike the bites and chews on my limbs.

I think the fish did a bigger number on my face in those few seconds than it did one of my legs in the past hour. Oh hell, it stung. It still stings!

I stuck to my mission, and despite dropping the pencil once from the shock of the new wave of pain, I managed to desperately scoop it up again and bring it with me to the surface. The fish came up too. It had somehow embedded it's fangs in the side of my head and neck, and I had to tear the thing off of me, with bits of flesh leaving along with it. Holy shit. I just wanted my fucking pencil.

Komaeda was yelling at me when I rose from the bitter pool, partly because he was alert to the sudden abundance of red in the water. Another reason however, I realized, was that he was gesturing to the bowl's edge. The water was finally high enough for us to reach up and escape the pit, but with one hand on my journal and the other bound in a cast, he didn't have any options to climb out.

Thinking back now, he easily could have tossed the book down into the water to be destroyed, or at least, over the edge, and then have at least enough arm power to pry him out of the pool. There wasn't even any promise that the outside of the bowl was that wet, so the book could, in theory, end up fine.

But Komaeda wouldn't risk that. Komaeda knows me better than that, and would never do that to me. Just in case.

Komaeda's a good friend.

Regardless, I climbed over the edge, and when I think about it, when I surfaced from the water, no more was pouring into the pit, but it still came to much of a surprise to find the entire outside of the pit dry as a bone. There's no way to tell where any of the water had come from. I had swirled around and took my book before helping Komaeda out of the water, who took my hand gratefully, more than willing to get away from the carnivorous fish that was now nibbling back on him again.

We left that motherfucker behind to wallow in the slightly-reddish pit. Damn, I wanted to laugh at that piece of shit, that horrible fish. I think I did, too. Despite being covered in small red dots and dips, and having minor chunks of flesh torn from my arms and legs, (not to mention my face) I felt triumphant. We had escaped after all.

But FUCK did we hurt. All over. The fish had covered all grounds and had sampled skin from pretty much anywhere on both of us.

I wanted to write about it right after it happened, but we sort of collapsed and fell asleep. I woke up in a lovely pool of my own blood, which was quite the pleasure to see, of course. I almost thought I was in *that* dream again, the dream I had near the chasm with blood everywhere. I'm relieved it wasn't the case, even if the blood loss is making me a little lightheaded. Again though, like usual in this place, I think we bleed more than we "actually do", if you catch what I mean. All liquids are weird here, in weird quantities. But blood is the weirdest by far. I don't think this much blood would be lost in a normal location from similar wounds, and if this much *was* lost, I think I'd be passed out or dying.

I'm not medical expert, but it seems like a pretty reoccurring thing if you ask me.

Now that I look over, it looks like Nagito died. Serves the fucker right. Er- the fish. I really shouldn't have named the thing after Komaeda, especially now. I thought I was done referring it by that name, but I guess I wasn't. Regardless, it's dead. Floating upside down on the top of the water. Guess it can only go so long without tearing us apart. Stupid thing. I would eat it right back if I didn't know if it was poisonous or not.

I guess the important thing is that we're out now. Komaeda seemed pleased, but we didn't really celebrate our victory. I suppose we're both too tired. Too tired and too hurt, still covered in wounds.


End file.
